Friday, December 26, 2008
There are a few things that stood out during QT today. I shall neglect the morning one, it seems so rushed and anyhow doned -_- (And yes I know the word doned does not exist).
The first thing is of graditude. I guess I never realized how lucky I was until I slowly looked back today. I am lucky enough to get to go to a church, to have so many resource about God that is available to me, a nice bed to sleep on, a house to live in, a school to go to etc. Most importantly, I was lucky enough to go to God with all my needs and peitions. There are many people in the world who don't even know that God exists and they live in a cycle of guilt, or the pursuit of material wealth or emotional wellbeing that leaves them more empty than ever. They may be crying out for something more but they never where or how to find it. I realized that I have been taking prayer itself for granted. It is easy for us to simply just utter a prayer, not knowing that first, it was because Jesus' death on the cross that absolved us of all sin that we were even worthy enough to go to God in prayer. As I was reading Deutromony, I was reminded that, if not for Jesus, we would be like the people at those times; when we have problems, we have to go through Moses who would then go to God. Because of Jesus, we can immediately go to God at any time of the day and pray for his assistance. I think, this in itself is a privilege and it's strange how a lot of people, my self included takes this for granted. Prayer to Him is a gift.
Today's Closer to God talked about how cultural differences determine certain perceptions about God. I took a quick trip about my own upbringing and what nots to find out more about my own perceptions about God. For those who don't know, I am a first generation Christian brought up in a Chinese family, they aren't too religious but there's def lots of cultural influences in their actions and speech. Anyhows, I guess firstly, there is somehow a very deep (mis)conception that I need to do enough things to please God before He can bless me or even talk to me. I guess it's due to the fact that many Chinese believe that the more good you do, the more good you would get. And if something bad happens, it's because that person had offended a god(s) and he/she is getting punished. Christianity on the other hand is vastly different in a sense that, God makes it clear that we are so sinful that even if we do good, it doesn't really help much. The only reason why we can still enjoy so much privileges is because God loved us and decided to use Jesus as the lamb (in ancient times, ie old testament, the Isrealites uses lamb themselves and slaughter it as though the lamb atones the people's sins) for our sins and crucify Him such that through Jesus, we are absolved of all the blame. Of course, as a disclaimer, that doesn't mean that we can do all the bad things we want to, because God is a God of justice and when we finally see Him again, He will still hold us accountable. But the main point being, we don't get blessings by doing good, He just gives. And that is a fact hard to swallow sometimes for myself and perhaps for many other people. But of course, after going through this, it makes me easier to understand why other prebelievers and new Christians have a problem when it comes to this whole issue. Such cultural influences are very hard to get rid of and I believe that some Christians go around not even knowing that their perspective is warped in a sense.
Another cultural aspect that I realized am very close to me is the fear of the Lord. Not the good one, sadly. I realize that I get so scared about how God will punish me when I sin that after I do something wrong, I run. I guess this has partially got to do with all the Chinese serials I have been watching where they protray this angry God punishing the whole world or something. Again, disclaimer, that doesn't mean the Christian God is stupid and tolerates all sin but the point is, He loves first. So basically if I have done something wrong and I am willing to repent (think Jonah), He will forgive me and accept me back. Of course, if I am hard headed and refused to recongise my own mistakes, He will still tear me down (think: Israel and how it was destoryed by God). But back to the main point, God is loving, so it's really fine for me to go back to Him although I screw up big time (time and again).
A final cultural influence would be that of the distance of God. I believe that only Christianity offers a personal God who cares about MY wellbeing. My chinese background seems to tell me that, hey, God is this high up being who has a lot of power but is not interested in me. The Chinese gods especially, seems to be more concerned about squabbling among themselves (credit: chinese serials) then the people. The Guan Yin is especially loved by people simply because he (yes, it's a he, not she) is compassionate and saves people showing how other Gods don't seem to care. But again, the Christian cares about me, and everything I do, from the clothes I wear to the big decisions I make.
Further down in the analysis, there is this part about how most people expect a saviour to be some king who would start a rebellion to break the bondage of Rome etc and not a baby (ie Jesus). I guess it reminded me again that God is a creative God. He is not limited by our imagination or our expectations. To put God in a box and expect Him to behave in a certain way is a sure fire to get disppointed. I guess it's a timely reminder to let Him work the way He wants to instead of complaining or be in disbelief. And at the end of the day, as a song goes, If we can't see His hand, trust His heart. He loves us no? So whatever He does will be for our own good.
Today's worship song's pretty touching as well so I am posting the lyrics (I think I posted it before but hey, since it spoke to me again I shall post it again) The parts of the song that touched me was firstly that how insignifant I am compared to world. Honestly, God doesn't need to care. I am such a small thing as compared to the universe that even if I died, it really doesn't matter. God lives for eternity but my life has a cap that looks so short (like a split second) to God. My existance is so short and so.. forgettable. But the point is, He still does and He does it not because I am all good or what, but because He is afterall, the God of love. And I realized that all I could do is simply worship Him and admire Him for all He is. It's exceptionally encouraging to know that, He wants me to rise again and to calm my inner turmoils. He cares. And in the midst all, I'm His. I'm His.
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Innocence
2:40 AM
