Wednesday, December 31, 2008
New year so new blogskin alright xD I had a few in mind but since it's the new year and we should all start the new year will on a less emo note, so presenting you.. D Gray Man CHIBIS! I know artistically wise it's not the most wow thing. But it's cute and light. A good way to start 2009 right. xD
Enjoy!
Innocence
2:48 PM
To the end of 2008. The year passed like super duper fast for me. Why is it that as we grow, time seems to pass faster? Or is it because we were beginning to do too many things such that the same amount of time seemed to shorten? I blogged about my year in my other blog so I should not go back to whining about how I screw up my 2008 and what I have learnt. It's time to look forward. I guess, what I really want to do, is to live life for all that it is. I want God back in my life. I want to live my life, chiefly as God's beloved seeking to establish a relationship with Him. That should be my only purpose in life. Things like money can take a backseat in comparsion. I want to enjoy my university life, I want to start anew, living life as He desired and to the fullest. And that also include things like studying hard for my exams, get myself involved in school life etc. I want to live complete.
Innocence
2:20 PM
Friday, December 26, 2008
There are a few things that stood out during QT today. I shall neglect the morning one, it seems so rushed and anyhow doned -_- (And yes I know the word doned does not exist).
The first thing is of graditude. I guess I never realized how lucky I was until I slowly looked back today. I am lucky enough to get to go to a church, to have so many resource about God that is available to me, a nice bed to sleep on, a house to live in, a school to go to etc. Most importantly, I was lucky enough to go to God with all my needs and peitions. There are many people in the world who don't even know that God exists and they live in a cycle of guilt, or the pursuit of material wealth or emotional wellbeing that leaves them more empty than ever. They may be crying out for something more but they never where or how to find it. I realized that I have been taking prayer itself for granted. It is easy for us to simply just utter a prayer, not knowing that first, it was because Jesus' death on the cross that absolved us of all sin that we were even worthy enough to go to God in prayer. As I was reading Deutromony, I was reminded that, if not for Jesus, we would be like the people at those times; when we have problems, we have to go through Moses who would then go to God. Because of Jesus, we can immediately go to God at any time of the day and pray for his assistance. I think, this in itself is a privilege and it's strange how a lot of people, my self included takes this for granted. Prayer to Him is a gift.
Today's Closer to God talked about how cultural differences determine certain perceptions about God. I took a quick trip about my own upbringing and what nots to find out more about my own perceptions about God. For those who don't know, I am a first generation Christian brought up in a Chinese family, they aren't too religious but there's def lots of cultural influences in their actions and speech. Anyhows, I guess firstly, there is somehow a very deep (mis)conception that I need to do enough things to please God before He can bless me or even talk to me. I guess it's due to the fact that many Chinese believe that the more good you do, the more good you would get. And if something bad happens, it's because that person had offended a god(s) and he/she is getting punished. Christianity on the other hand is vastly different in a sense that, God makes it clear that we are so sinful that even if we do good, it doesn't really help much. The only reason why we can still enjoy so much privileges is because God loved us and decided to use Jesus as the lamb (in ancient times, ie old testament, the Isrealites uses lamb themselves and slaughter it as though the lamb atones the people's sins) for our sins and crucify Him such that through Jesus, we are absolved of all the blame. Of course, as a disclaimer, that doesn't mean that we can do all the bad things we want to, because God is a God of justice and when we finally see Him again, He will still hold us accountable. But the main point being, we don't get blessings by doing good, He just gives. And that is a fact hard to swallow sometimes for myself and perhaps for many other people. But of course, after going through this, it makes me easier to understand why other prebelievers and new Christians have a problem when it comes to this whole issue. Such cultural influences are very hard to get rid of and I believe that some Christians go around not even knowing that their perspective is warped in a sense.
Another cultural aspect that I realized am very close to me is the fear of the Lord. Not the good one, sadly. I realize that I get so scared about how God will punish me when I sin that after I do something wrong, I run. I guess this has partially got to do with all the Chinese serials I have been watching where they protray this angry God punishing the whole world or something. Again, disclaimer, that doesn't mean the Christian God is stupid and tolerates all sin but the point is, He loves first. So basically if I have done something wrong and I am willing to repent (think Jonah), He will forgive me and accept me back. Of course, if I am hard headed and refused to recongise my own mistakes, He will still tear me down (think: Israel and how it was destoryed by God). But back to the main point, God is loving, so it's really fine for me to go back to Him although I screw up big time (time and again).
A final cultural influence would be that of the distance of God. I believe that only Christianity offers a personal God who cares about MY wellbeing. My chinese background seems to tell me that, hey, God is this high up being who has a lot of power but is not interested in me. The Chinese gods especially, seems to be more concerned about squabbling among themselves (credit: chinese serials) then the people. The Guan Yin is especially loved by people simply because he (yes, it's a he, not she) is compassionate and saves people showing how other Gods don't seem to care. But again, the Christian cares about me, and everything I do, from the clothes I wear to the big decisions I make.
Further down in the analysis, there is this part about how most people expect a saviour to be some king who would start a rebellion to break the bondage of Rome etc and not a baby (ie Jesus). I guess it reminded me again that God is a creative God. He is not limited by our imagination or our expectations. To put God in a box and expect Him to behave in a certain way is a sure fire to get disppointed. I guess it's a timely reminder to let Him work the way He wants to instead of complaining or be in disbelief. And at the end of the day, as a song goes, If we can't see His hand, trust His heart. He loves us no? So whatever He does will be for our own good.
Today's worship song's pretty touching as well so I am posting the lyrics (I think I posted it before but hey, since it spoke to me again I shall post it again) The parts of the song that touched me was firstly that how insignifant I am compared to world. Honestly, God doesn't need to care. I am such a small thing as compared to the universe that even if I died, it really doesn't matter. God lives for eternity but my life has a cap that looks so short (like a split second) to God. My existance is so short and so.. forgettable. But the point is, He still does and He does it not because I am all good or what, but because He is afterall, the God of love. And I realized that all I could do is simply worship Him and admire Him for all He is. It's exceptionally encouraging to know that, He wants me to rise again and to calm my inner turmoils. He cares. And in the midst all, I'm His. I'm His.
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Innocence
2:40 AM
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
For the fun of it I decided to read The Message Bible for Exodus and Deuternomy and there were a few things that stood out for me. Disclaimer first, this is the Message Bible which means I am not technically reading for the particular verses but rather the plot of the story and how the main themes are expressed. While reading, I realized that these books were splendid in understand who God really is. Within these pages, we see the God of miracles (the ten miracles against the Pharaoh), the God of care (how He took care of His people for 40 years. It was stated that their shoes did not spoil and how manna was provided everyday for 40 years such that they won't go hungry), the God of anger (How He was so angry at the golden calf that He literally sent Moses back.And how He finally decided that Moses' generation will never see the promised land) and the jealous God (it was written again and again how He demanded the people to love Him and only Him and worship no other Gods). God is not simply this grandfather figure we always try to imagine Him to be, He is a complex mix of everything which makes it hard to fanthom, yet fascinating to find out more. He is strict yet He forgives readily. He gets really angry at sin but yet after the people sinned at Him again and again, somehow they are not dead yet. The more I think about it, the more I find myself staring in awe at Him. He is not not any gods that are created from gold and silver but the God. For He told Moses, "I AM who I AM" and that is indeed how special He is. This is the God we worship and indeed who compares to Him.
Besides finding out more about God, I guess this whole Exodus story preludes our own personal stories as well. God saved the people from the slavery in Egypt with all the signs and wonders and before long they were complaining to Moses why he brought them out of Egypt. They claimed that at least there was food in Egypt and it was more comfortable. And when Moses wasn't around for 40 days and 40 nights, they decided that they needed a golden calf to worship. It did remind me of myself. God saved me from the darkness I was in and all the misery I have been through but before long, I started regretting being a Christian. I can't curse using God's name, I can't do this and that, I have to honour my parents etc. Christianity became some kind of burden which I felt like running away from. I thought being a non christian was better, at least I could do what I want. Then other things started to be more important to me, like having fun, grades, relationships etc. And I angered God. But like what He did to the people, He forgave me. He continued to shower me with the blessings that I don't deserve. Moses made a pretty apt point. SOmetimes, when blessings come our way, like how the people were winning the war against the various enemies, we start to think that it's our own strength that did it. In the first place, we are probably too frail to do anything. Second, as what God told Moses, it was because those lands sinned against God and He wanted to place a judgement on them which was why the land ended up to the people. It was not because the people were so obeidient or God was a God just just loved for the sake of loving. It was therefore, not anyone's mere strength who got these blessings or in the Moses' time, the battles. I guess that is what spending time with God is all about. Besides putting all our peititions to Him and asking for guidance or seeking that moment of peace in this busy world, it is also about reminding ourselves that we are not the one who made it all complete. It is Him. It is so easy to fall into this I am so good trap and it was though we were the one that put it all together but in reality we aren't. And we need to remind ourselves everyday that He is the absolute Lord who makes all things happen.
One last thing before I end this post. I have briefly mentioned this already. I realized that what God really cannot stand is when we worship other Gods before Him. I don't think he meant simply other religious Gods but rather things like money, grades, relationship, pleasure etc. He is a jealous God and He demands all our attention to Him. On the surface it may seem that this God is possessive over his created beings but I guess, the main reason is that, we would always self destruct when we worship anything but Him. What He really is trying to do is to love us. He knows that the only way that we can live life fruitfully is when we live it with Him in the centre. That is the, I believe, the chief reason why God is so "possessive" over us. He simply wants us to live the better life. And for that I guess, I can thank God and to somehow always remember that indeed, we should worship no other gods but Him alone. It is the first commandment of the old covenant and the first of the new as well. Love and serve Him only. In a stricter note, that would mean that if we are serving and loving other things, we are in short breaking one of the most fundemental principles of Christianity.
Innocence
12:32 AM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Let me comment on the the new cigareete banding thing. For the ignorant ones, basically Singaporean government has decided that all cigarettes should have this label around it (Yes EACH stick) to prevent illegal cigarettes from being sold in Singapore. Refer to this website : http://www.customs.gov.sg/topNav/new/SDPC+Cigarette+Marking+Regulation.htm
Now as much as I applaud the government in their attempts in trying to curb the problem of the selling of illegal cigarettes, but I am not exactly sure whether their plans would work. Unlike money, where the process of printing is highly detailed and uses a lot of technology where people can't imitate, this SDPC label is so easy to copy! Maybe the authorities felt that because the label is imprinted on every single stick, the amount of extra work it entails would derail the illegal sellers. I do not agree for the very simple reason that if there is a mass provider for all these illegal cigarettes, then I guess for them, in the long run, copying the label would still earn them a whole lot of cash. Maybe it would be lesser as more work is needed for labelling but at the end of the day, they still earn.
And there is whole thing about catching people who violate the law. Honestly, is the policeman going to see the cigarettes of everyone and say hey, you are smoking an illegal cigar! This possiblity is relatively unlikely.
So in short, I am skeptical about this scheme.
Innocence
9:24 PM
Why does it hurt so bad, like a dark force trying to intrude into my heart, trying to rob me of life?
If, you are the temptation,
Is it time for me to start
Fleeing?
Innocence
1:25 AM
Monday, December 22, 2008
For some reason, the QT for the past two days hasn't been very inspired by the Word. I was touched by Pslams 139 two days back but that was about it for the Word. On the other hand, Closer to God (a devotional) has been more inspiring. I didn't get any new insights per say from it, but because Closerto God for this week is Isaiah and how after sinning so badly, at the end of the day, the Lord still decided to let them come back to Jerusalem with more riches than ever before. It reminded me strongly about the prodigal son story where after the son squandered away all the money, at the end of the day, the father not only still welcomed back but even had a feast for such an unfilal son. I guess, at the end of the day, no matter how badly I have sinned against God, so much so that sometimes I wonder if God still would love me, the truth is He still does. It's not that God owed me anything but rather he loved me too much to accept such an assymetrical relationship. Two things came to mind thereafter. First, I really don't derserve what God di to me, but He still did. ALl I could do is to stare in awe of Him and say, hey Daddy, You didn't have to do that. Secondly, it made me feel more hopeful. I don't know whether it's just me but I seem to have a tendency to run away everytime I feel guilty. It's not just God, it's everything under the sun. Eg: I am coming home later but I know my mum doesn't like it, I don't even want to tell her anything until i absolutely have to do so when the ending might have been happier if I had told her earlier coz it at least it showed that I am more responsible. The same thing gors for God, everytime I sinned, I run. Something like what Adam and Eve did when they sinned against God. And I was just so scared to retrun. The passgs served to remind me that, hey, God still loved me. It granted me courage to start tore do my QT and to seek more. It reminded me that God is not a kill-joy who sought to punish for the sake of punishing. If He ever punished, it was out of love and desperation.
Today's QT, somehow God seem to focus me on certain aspects. First is the fact that He is MY God. God is not a God just stands at the sidelines and just watch things go, ie: He is not a spectator. He is my God, He is interested about me. He wants to help me. Although sometimes I don't seem to see His hand, I can trust His heart that He cares about me. Even if the world failed and I am the only person left today, He would still sustain the world for me. I was important and I was special. Because He is my God, I can go to Him with all my requests and complains and He would still listen to me. He wants to see me happy, hopeful and peaceful and He knows that the only way for me t attain true joy, hope and peace is through Him which is why sometimes things happen to remind me of that. But at the heart of it all, He's the God who just want the best of me. And when I put this into perspective, I realized, my true motivation for being joyful and all is really because God created and wanted me to be. Granted, I can't attain all these on my own but what I can do is to desire this and want to be like and let Him work.
In closing, there was another thing that God reminded me about. I guess it feels horrible to be always looking at people around you and comparing how you are never good enough. The truth is, we are never good enough to begin with. We are fallen creatures. But it's hard to reconcil the fact that God said we were special and what nots but yet when we look around, everyone seems to have better talents than us. God has gently reminded me firstly of my comparing spirit, don't ever compare sufferings or talents and start feeling miserable. If God created me, I must be somehow fine. Another thing that He said was that sometimes we just isolate certain talents and we say he we are noit good enough. When God said that we are good enough (though fallen, ie the original creation was good enough), He meant us as a package. To isolate certain parts of us and say hey this is better/worse off than others is obviously is misjudge. Also, God's defination of better/worse/good enough is very different from us.I don't really know what's His defs are, but I am quite sure our conventional def doesn't really reflect what God meant when He say that we are good enough.
Innocence
2:44 PM
Sunday, December 21, 2008
A quick one. Will expand on it when I have the time.
1. God is always in control.
No matter how bad things can be or seems to be be, He is always in control. And since we know that He loves us, the fact that He is in control means that things will turn out right at the end of the day. It may not turn out the perfect way that we wanted it but it will be fine. So there is no need to excessively worry about certain things.
2. Our identity is in Him and Him and alone
To realize that at the end of the day tha we are indeed in the world but not of the world thast our worldly possessions (be it material or emotional) does not define who we are. We are simply, the children of God, any other labels do not matter and should not even be sought. It really doesn't matter we get straight As or straight fails because at the end of the day our grades do not determine who we are. Neither does how we dress, how much money we have etc. To the basics, we are simply God's created, meant to love him and adore Him. Period.
3. God sustains us throughout everything
It may seem extremely abstract to say that God sustains us throughout everything, but if anyone has been through it I guess he/she will agree with me. At the end of the day, He is the constant companion and the unfailing friend. When all else fails, He never does. Some people complain why God allowed certain things to happen but as long as can take comfort in that no matter what happens, He will be our best friend who will be with us through thick and thin, I guess, a lot of things feel better. Afterall when all else fails, He will be there. And we can be sure that He will be there, I think that's more than good enough.
4. We have no rights
While this echos of a familar national day song, it's one thing about Christianity that is relatively hard to grasp about. It's hard to give up your rights to, for example, other people treating you nicely. It is also hard to give up your rights to using your money as well. We hold such stuff so personally to us that when God tries to take anything way, we whine like brats. But then again, God gave us these things. So of course He has the right to take them away. Those things are never ours, they are His to begin with.
On the other hand, emotional rights, like how we get really angry when people make use of us, cheat us or betray us is also reflective of how we are holding on to some rights. We expect people to treat us with a certain standard, but in fact, we don't deserve any (as much as those people don't either). We are all fallen creatures, sinned various times against God and if God himself hasn't punished us yet (but instead sent His son to die and atone for our sins), I don't think flithy creatures like us have the right to go around demanding people to be nice to us. And on further thinking, honestly, God's surpassing love should be enough for us.
5. We are flithy people but God loves us.
This point has two parts. A) We are flithy and sinful. It is again hard to come to terms with the fact that we are probably as horrendous as a murderer in God's eyes. For it had been said that sin is sin, there is no such thing as big sin or small sin . They are all displeasing in God's eyes. It takes courage to look at how you have fallen short of everything and admit that really, there are a lot of things that you have done wrong. But of course, just stopping there makes us a depressing bunch of people but I guess the main reason why God points us to our weakenesses sometimes is to remind us that, although we are so horrible and so weak, He still loves us. And at the end of the day, we realize that, all we can do is simply praise and worship Him. To always rememeber that He was the one who saved us from the dark abyss although we were not worthy to be saved. And thus says the bible, we loved because He first loved us.
Till then, Ja!
Innocence
11:18 AM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The 7 wonders of the world are:
To see
To hear
To touch
To taste
To feel
To laugh
and to love.
Innocence
1:37 PM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
Innocence
11:34 PM
Friday, December 12, 2008
Extraverts (also spelled extroverts) are gregarious, assertive, and generally seek out excitement. Introverts, in contrast, are more reserved, less outgoing, and less sociable.
They are not necessarily asocial, but they tend to have smaller circles of friends, and are less likely to thrive on making new social contacts. They generally do not need to seek out excitement in others because they are
already stimulated with their own thoughts and imagination.Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life"
They often take pleasure in solitary activities such as
reading, writing, drawing,
watching movies, and using computers. The archetypal artist, writer, sculptor, composer, and inventor are all highly introverted. An introvert is likely to enjoy time spent alone and find less reward in time spent with large groups of people, though they tend to
enjoy interactions with close friends.Also, according to Carl Jung,
introverts acknowledge more readily their psychological needs and problems, whereas extraverts tend to be oblivious of them because they focus more on the outer world. On average,
extraverts also have a somewhat higher self-esteem than introverts. Researchers have found that introverts tend to be more successful in academic environments, which extraverts may find boring.
-Source : Beloved Wiki
Innocence
3:06 PM
I am absolutely appalled by how the Americans can spend so much money on military expenditures and yet so stingy on economic aid to poorer nations. Honestly, the amount that they spend on one war alone is more than enough to finance the Africans three times round (or more than that).
Am highly highly disillusioned by human beings as well. I can't believe that there are people who can say stuff like "the price is worth it" when the price is death of thousands (more like tens of thousands) civilians and the reward is summarised in one word : Oil.
And I am starting to wonder about going into politics myself. You see, as much as idealists can try to convince me that maybe I can make a difference and what nots, the truth is, I barely can. If anyone reads enough politics or knows enough about current affairs would know that at the end of the day, it's the money that's talking. Idealism doesn't survive in politics, especially international relations. I started wondering what would happen if I myself was part of this whole whirlpool of events. Call me cowardly, but I would probably end up circuming to pressures myself and to see myself degraded to such a state one day is simply, unthinkable and scary. Would I be as heartless as those American politicans that say that deaths are worth it as long as "our interests" are secured? I don't know.
I still do like reading about politics and how it is going on in the world. Being a critic of US policy sounds a good idea as well but to be part of the system is something that I want to second think about. Do I really have to be that ruthless to climb up the ladders if I work in MFA? Or even UN? (That's provided I manage to get in as well). At this rate I am going I am probably going to become an academic all my life writing research papers.
Being too compassionate is really not such a good thing.
Innocence
2:44 AM
Monday, December 08, 2008
"Humans are the only things on earth that do not follow the law of diffusion" - my friend
Well, sad to say but it is true. Just today when I was taking the bus home after tuitioning my two little terrors I realized that while the front of the bus was packed like sardines (I was lucky to get a nice window seat), there was a huge gap towards the end of the bus. Imagine a TIBS bus and three rows of seats worth of aisle was empty. Extremely ridiculous. I mean can't anyone see that the people in front has barely any place to stand on the bus and there you are talking away with your friends without making a single effort to move in. Honestly, ignorance is not excuable here. He (They) should be glad that the bus driver has not screamed at them yet.
And moving on, I realized my dear friend's theory holds true also for other instances besides buses. Take a look at MRT stations. Everyone seems to love squeezing in the middle cabins (I am supposing it's because it's near the escalator) with no regards to the amount of empty towards the end (or front) of the train. What's so nice about squeezing seriously. You mean it's so nice to sniff other people's sweat, stand so close to the opposite sex as though you are almost kissing each other. Maybe people are just kaypoh. They like to overhear people's convo (although I am wondering if overhearing is the right word. Everyone stands so close to each other it's as though the person's talking to you). Or maybe they are sexually deprived and they enjoy seing young couples kissing on the train.
Seriously. Use your brain.
Innocence
10:30 PM
Clothes packing is a chore but I am happily realized that (yes that was saracastic) that my wardrobe lacks essentials and I really need to throw away a lot of clothes to make way for new ones. I threw out 3/4 of jeans collection because either a) they are too old (faded black jeans is not nice. Esp when I have wore them for like 4 years? And yes they are torn and tattered as well) b) I can't fit into them anymore! And honestly throwing those stuff out makes me feel good about myself.
Now to the tops. I am quite sure there are some of my long sleeve work clothes that I can't fit. I need to find out which and out they go. There are also two striking tops that I realized I have never wore them before in my entire life! And don't feel like. I guess those got to go as well. And then I have a huge headache with regards to my sleeveless tops which are basically OLD but WEARABLE but super short. Me no like short tops at all. But they are wearable and I love sleeveless tops. I was thinking of throwing some of them out after I get new supplies of basics that I would wear out. Throwing them all all will drain my wardrobe too.
And I realized I have TONS of tee shirts as well which again I can't decide what to do with them.
But they are newer and well who throws tee shirts away right (My darling AC tee shirts and some secondary school ones yes)
And I have also gladly realized that my wardrobe lacks of essentials. Example: A little black dress (actually I do have one but it doesn't really flatter me) and a dress suit (yes that. I don't have a my jacket coz my mum claims that it is not important). And I really need to go shopping for those. Another long sleeve shirt will do fine in my wardrobe as well.
GYAA.. Why is packing my wardrobe so hard?!
And then there are shoes, my fridge...
I'm really sorry. At the end of the day, it wasn't meant to be that way. I didn't know you would have took it so negatively but that's the only time you can follow the full trail of thoughts. Not via a phone call, not via face to face. Why is it I am always screwing up stuff? I don't mean to make you feel upset you know. I really didn't.
Innocence
5:03 PM
Why do things keep messing up.
This sucks,
Innocence
2:55 AM
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Aye Sarah, I am not funny okay :P *austere look* I have serious new year resolutions, you know, I really do wanna make my year right.
Jessie's New Year Resolutions (Draft 1)
1. I will not screw up my module choices again.
2. I will try to save some money every month (Er.. A bit impossible)
3. I will make sure I absorb myself in whatever I do.
4. I will try to make some friends in uni
5. I will live without having a bf for a year (Try la eh)
6.I will not skip lectures anymore
7. I will be more consistent in studying
8. I will be home early (if I am still staying at home that is)
9. I will try my best in doing my best for all my papers
10. I will grow up and make sure I don't wallow in stupid self pity
11. I will cut down on whining and being spoilt around people
That's for now. I will add stuff as I go on.
Things I wanna do before school starts
1. Reformat my com
2. Clear out my wardrobe (and get new clothes)
3. Get a new bookshelf
4. Replenish stationery supplies
5. Read (good books of coz)
6. Catch up with TV series
7. Find myself again.
Innocence
10:34 PM
Okay I am not emo anymore.
Okay shoot me. What's with those phases man.
Anyhows, lesson learnt 101: NEVER stay at home when I am emo. Go out and have fun with friends. After that I will usually feel better.
Lesson 102: Remember that people will always fail your expectations. So even if you want to give your all, remember never to expect anything from them back.
Lesson 103: Really. He is not that good that I think. At the end of the day, perhaps it is true that it's not me who isn't worthy of him but vice versa. As much I can never know whether he loved me or not, I am quite sure now he really doesn't
Lesson 104: I am probably the happier the way I am anyway.
Lesson 105: The future is usually gonna be better than the present anyway.
M. I need to make some calls. Maybe I will post some new year resolutions and things I wanna do. Nope, not gonna do funny reflections for the time being. They are gonna make me more emo.
Till then xD
Innocence
2:43 PM
