Friday, September 15, 2006

From : Exodus 16

Verse 4 : Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. "

The background of this is that the Israelites are complaining that Moses had brought them out to Egypt because at least they had food to eat. And n0w, they felt that they are going to starve to death in the desert. Pause for a moment and think. Have we ever complained that God brought us into a particular stiuation before? The thoughts go something like this : GOD! You told me to _________ (fill up with events that God tells you to do, example, minister to someone, evangelise, give up something etc) but now I am worse off. What on earth are you doing God? You said obeidence was better than sactifice, but why am I suffering? I remember times in CF while the going got tough, and I found myself questioning God, Hey, I am doing your ministry don't I get blessed?

The truth of the whole matter is, God never promised us an easy journey in life, only safe arrival. And He promised that He would PROVIDE. Yes, times may get tough, we may end up questioning why did we listen to God in the lst place and just bear in mind that God is the provider. Provider of what? Provider of all needs spiritual and physical, or solutions, of people, of help, of salvation, of love... Basically if you want anything just ask Him and you will get it. Thus, there is no need to grumble over current conditions, just trust. Not hope but trust, for hope seem to have a feeling that it is impending - a possiblity. But we trust. Because He WILL provide - 100% guarantee chop.

He is Jehovah Jireh.

Verse 18 : And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed.

When I read this verse myself, I can't help but find myself just staying there and pondering over it. Maybe it was the beauty of the language, or perhaps it is God stopping me in my tracks. Each other gathered as he needed. Indeed, there are instances that we find ourselves comparing with each other our gifts, about the length of time of prayed, the number of scriptures we know. We seem to feel that someone who knows the bible inside out scholaristically must be a very spirtual person - he may just be a literature professor who is a athetist.

But no, God says, our judgement is flawed. What we percieved as more or little are inaccurate because out humans eyes do not see the depts and the height sof the Lord. To the Lord, He treats everyone equally,and He provided us ENOUGH.

Look around you now. Do you have enough neccessities for your life? Do not envy others for some gift they have or so, it is not there for no purpose. It is there because the paticular guy needs it and you don't because you don't need it. And placing them on is just going to be wasted trip because it would just be like books you never read - remain rotten

to be continued.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

For we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal - 2 Cor 4:18

For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come - 2 Cor 5:4-5

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I feel like starting afresh, anew once again.. As though I didn't know anything aboout God. I want to be a fresh sheet of paper. Maybe it is the problem with me rationalizing. Maybe it's true, my thinking is sooner or later going to spell my downfall. So much questions, desires still remain, but somehow there is no drive at all.

And I feel so lonely suddenly. My frens are just not ministering to me like they don't understand me at all but even if they understands me.. They can't seem too walk with me. No one walks with me, everyone is just like a wind, they blow, they make me happy, they may touch my hearts once in a while like the scenery, but someone none of them walks back home with me. No, they are not superfical friends, they are good friends I don't understand, how can relationships bulid on Christ be this way? This is just plain strange.

Suffering from self esteem problems too. I think I suck. That is the best way to put it although perhaps in a more intellectual, class-y and more elegant way I would say.. I think I have a problem with my character, I hate myself, I hate my own voice and I hate the way i walk, look, talk blah blah.. And it's not that I am having a good relationship with God. QT count was like a big fat ZERO literally.

And I have to lie my way through to people becoz if I don't do my QT, people will ask "Why" and if I say I don't feel like it, the usual stuff comes along. Honestly, it's bad to know what people's reactions are and somehow I know. Some people will start throwing me with suggestions and I can feel judgement in them, some will start going things like "You know you are in wrong, better do your QT back", well usually in a nicer way that is. Don't they just understand, sometimes I just want someone to pray with me and give me a hug and be there to listen to me instead of assuming they know everything?

And then I realize I do that myself too. I do a lot of things that I hate people to do to me. Ain't I a hypocrite? I seriously think so. And i just can't seem to change. :( I think I am such a horrible person. Like a big fat meanie. That's me.

I am so taking a break from everything, I feel like taking a break forever. Nobody understands me when I say I am taking a break from ministry. I mean more than just ministry - they just don't know me well enough. Then again no one knows me well enough.

Morbid thoughts are attacking me once again.. I am not going to mention them here before someone sends me to a psychologist..

Did any0ne realize the lack of God in this whole post? I do. And guess what? I am doing nothing about it.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

A man with leprosy came and knelt before Him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man, "I am willing," He said -Matthew 8:2-3

Friday, September 08, 2006

From Take me to the cross again:

So take me to the cross again
Remind me where I should have been
And where I belong now, where I belong now
Take me to the cross again
Remind me where I should have been
And where I belong now,
where I belong now

From The Inside Out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fails.

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The artof losing myself
In bringing You praise

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out

Lord let justice and praise
Become myembrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And thecry of my heart
Is to bring You praise from the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Love Them Like Jesus

You don't need the answers to all of life's questions, just know that He loves them and stay by their side.

The love of her life is drifting away
They’re losing the fight for another day
The life that she’s known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child’s broken heart
You’re holding her hand, you’re straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She’s desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She’s looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away
You’re holding their hand, you’re straining for words
You’re trying to make sense of it all
They’re desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They’re looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus,
Love them like Jesus
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

Still

I will be still and know that You are God

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are god

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are god

Consuming Fire

There must be more than this. Let Your consuming fire fan into flame.

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

How can you refuse Him now

Before He died, He faintly cried, forgive them please.

There's a story old, that has often been told,
Of how our savior died, as they nailed his hands,
He cried they don't understand,
As the blood flowed from his side.

How can you refuse him now,
how can you refuse him now,
How can you turn away from his side,
With tears in his eyes,
On the cross there he died,
How can you refuse Jesus now.

As he hung there on the tree,
He prayed for you and me
There was no one his pain to ease,
Before he died,
He faintly cried,
Father forgive them please.

From Gift of Love:
Thank You for the gift You gave
For the radical gift of love.

Thank You for the price You gave
For the terrible cost of love

Thank You for Your power to save
The conquering power of love

Scarlet Hands

Surrendered now to scarlet hands...

Where brokenness and mercy meet
How gently shall redemption speak
For love like ocean waves did break
Upon the shores of sin and shame

To You my heart will sing O Lord
For O what love keeps His song
In spirit & integrity
To join the song the Heaven's sing

Scarlet hands that bled for me
Servant King my everything
I kneel before You once again
Surrendered now to scarlet hands

When sorrows tries my hope to kill
To worship I have reason still
For light will pierce the darkest night
And peace shall be my lullaby

The time will fade to afterthought
Into forver shall I walk
In Glory's shadow ever free
Redeemer and redeemed to meet

Oceans will part

Open my eyes to the work of Your hand..

If my heart has grown cold,
There your love will unfold
As you open my opens to the work of your hand.

When I’m blind to my way,
There your spirit will pray
As you open my eyes to the work of your hand,
As you open my eyes to the work of your hand.

Oceans will part, nations come, at the whisper of your call,
Hope will rise, glory shown, in my life your will be done

Present suffering may pass,
Lord your mercy will last
As you open my eyes to the works of your hand.

And my heart will find praise,
I’ll delight in your way as you open my eyes to the work of your hand,
As you open my eyes to the work of your hand,
As you open my eyes to the work of your hand,
Jesus open my eyes to the work of your hand.


Having empty days, if that is the only way I can describe. Only finding solace in some old songs. The same songs that touched my heart ages ago, still don't fail to touch my heart once again.

Trust His Heart

When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
And you just can't see Him,
Remember He's still on the throne.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So don't live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
But He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
when you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand,
Trust His heart.

Call On Jesus

When you call on Jesus, all things are possible. And when your heart is broken, and you feel discouraged, you can remember that He said, He'll be there.

I'm so very ordinary
Nothing special on my own
I have never walked on waterI
have never calmed a storm

Sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me
Like a child who's afraid of the dark

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call

La la la la, la la la la

Weary brother
Broken daughter
Widowed, widowed lover
You're not alone

If you're tired and scared of the madness around you
If you can't find the strength to carry on

But when you call on Jesus
All things are possible
You can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When you call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue you when you call

Call Him in the mornin'
In the afternoon time
Late in the evenin'
He'll be there
When your heart is broken
And you feel discouraged
You can just remember that He said
He'll be there

But when I call on Jesus
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles and soar
When I call on Jesus
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call

At the Foot of the Cross (Ashes to beauty)

I lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross.
Now I can, trade these ashes in for beauty.

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received

And You've won my heart
And You've won my heart
Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death you bore for me

And You've won my heart
And You've won my heart
Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

And You've won my heart
And You've won my heart
Now I can

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

I lay every burden down
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross

Held

This is what it means to be held. The promise is , when everything fell, we would be held. So why can't we wait for an hour for our saviour?

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Who Am I

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. But I am still Yours. It's all that matter. I am Yours.

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done
,But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see no sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am
I am yours.
I am yours.

I am yours.
I am yours.
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?'
Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Above It All - Buliding 429

Oh I'm waiting for the answer to the question in my soul
Lord why did You lead me here?
Because I, I take a look around and a desperate world surrounds me
And I know I'm not of this place, but it's here and in my face
And all that I am wants to run
Well God I feel helpless and undone

Lift me up above it all
I'm feeling broken and alone
Don't let me turn to stone
Lift my heart above it all
Because I've lost my hope tonight
And I'm praying for the strength to carry on
Lord will You lift me up above it all
Above it all

Now I'm waiting for a glimpse of hope in an eye
But a flash of sunlight shows a faded gray
Beause these streets are hard and cold
And the alleys burn like coal with a stench of helplessness
And all the life that's been misspent
And all that I am wants to run
God I feel helpless and undone

Lift me up above it all
I'm feeling broken and alone
Don't let me turn to stone
Lift my heart above it all
Because I've lost my hope tonight
And I'm praying for the strength to carry on
Lord will You lift me up above it all
Well above it all

*Bridge*
Maybe I'm not supposed to fly
Cause Maybe You want me here tonight
To lift them up above it all
When they're broken and alone
Don't let me turn to stoneLift them up above it all
Because they cannot stand alone
And they're praying for the strength to carry on

Lift us up above it all
When we're broken and alone
Don't let us turn to stone
Lift us up above it all
Because we cannot stand alone
And we're praying for the strength to carry on
Lord will You lift us up above it all

Friday, September 01, 2006

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades.

Indeed Father, you are the one whose everlasting light will continue to shine when all else fades and that Father, you will never forsake us. The vastness of your love cannot be fathom but yet despite your greatness, you choose to pour out Your heart and your soul to the most unfaithful people – us humans. We are the flower that is quickly fading, we are temporal but you are eternal, but yet You choose to forsake your own magnificence to come down to bring us to eternity – and we don’t even seem to be any thankful for it.

Today, I say Father, I refocus my life in your direction and let my brokenness flow through because I know as my brokenness flow out of the hiding place in my heart, Your grace will be able to reach it and heal it. And Father, You will not bear any grudges against me for I am forgiven. The world might try to remind me of my failures and convince me that no one ever forgets them. But Jesus, my residence is on heaven and not the Earth. So what the world remembers all my wrong? As long I bring it to God in repentance, He will forgive me and give me a new lease of life in Him. And that is all I know, for that is eternal.

Love them like Jesus

What’s with the boiling hatred I do not know. But God just says love them like Jesus. Love them like Jesus. See the good and the brokenness that they have in them, notice their emptiness and He said I will be able to see His perceptive. Is there a good in everyone? Yes there is, focus on the good and not the bad. Everyone is a saint of Christ. A positional one at least. Can we help them to become true.

“And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear> But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up against it” – I Cor 10:13

Be it a temptation of selfishness, jealousy, self pity etc ..God is still with us. He is waiting for us to step up in faith, to proclaim that I won’t do this anymore – although I feel like doing this still and I feel as though I am giving it, I am going to proclaim that I am not. And then God’s grace will show. It’s like a little test. And God is there, waiting, waiting for us to make that proclamation so that He can help us. He is desperate to help us, but if we are unwilling to let Him, He can’t do anything about it.

So it’s time to draw the line and make the commitment to get out of temptation.

I will be still and know that You are God.

Do not worry because God already has it all planned. Time and again this had come true for me, but time and again I forgot about it. And Father, I know that you already has a plan and waiting for us to just fulfill it. We don’t need to do anything by our own strength because you have already provide us godly strength to fulfill what is needed to be fulfilled. You have granted us all that is needed. And it’s with this reassurance will come peace and stillness. It’s when I know that nothing can harm no matter how it seems that I will rejoice. And it’s because of this that I will not be fearful.

So I am here to claim this promise from God. It’s mine and the devil will NOT take it away from me.

Remember God loves you. Remember God cares. Remember God has a plan.

Once again I look upon the cross where You died.
I am humbled by Your mercy, and I am broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life.

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Jessie
20.Female.19 March
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