Monday, March 31, 2008
March 31 Bible Reading.
--
Again, the book of Deuteronomy did really speak much to me (I really prefer the New Testament) besides towards the end where it spoke of how a King should be.He should not have too many possessions or indulge in sexual desires and he should cultivate the fear of the Lord and mediate on the Word regularly.
Okay that's about it.
--
The Luke passage today spoken about the feeding of the five thousand. Apparently, after consulting my precious study bible did I realize that besides Jesus's death and rescurrection, this is the only incident that is recorded in all four gospels. The gospel authors must have seen the importance of this incident. It was a demostration of faith, of Go'd miraculous power. And for today, I realized that it also reflected us as well. Well, our gifts may be little (5 loaves and two fishes) but Jesus can multiply it in a way we don't know and our small gifts can make a great impact on the society (feeding of 5000). Not only that, like what one Pastor from Trinity once said, Jesus had to break the loaves. If the loaves are representative for us, it also symbolized that in our Christian walk, we have to be broken by God before we can be used to do great things.
And yes, with God's grace, our two loaves can become something that can feed 5000 and leaving 12 basketfuls of leftover.
And then it moved on to Peter's declaration of Christ, "Who do you say I am" "The Christ of God" and then he prophesied the way He would die.
And because I know the gospels pretty well (not VERY well though, sadly) I thought this was a good reminder of my life in Jesus
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life would lose it, but whoever who loses his life for my sake will save it"
It was an apt reminder that, m y life belongs to God and not myself. I cannot serve myself and God at the same time. And if I choose God, I would have to deny pleasures of my heart to sin and other things that I wished I could do to serve Him. But I know my painful sacrifice would be worth it for a)He would hold me. He would come and rescue me and He would not see me in misery for long. He would come. But i must first give up. and b) I live for eternity. And eternity is glorious with God. Eternal happiness > than this life happiness.
And of coz, I never realized so many gems are within this small passage.
"For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the son of Man be ashamed he comes in his glory of the Father and of the holy angels"
This was a verse that guided me along during my infant Christian walk. That if i can't be proud of Him, how could He be proud of me? And really to refocus myself and ask, my pride is more important or His glory is? And I realized by asking this question I am forced to do away with my very naive desires. To know what is it that I was compromising. sometimes the devil says never mind, but maybe to him it's a nevermind, but to me it may not.
Psalms has always been a reassuring book and today's psalm collection is as well.
"For he delivers the needy when he calls,
the poor and him who has no helped.
He has pity on the weak and rhew needy
and saves the lives of the needy
From oppression and violence
he redeems their life
and precious is their blood in
His sight"
What reassurance! Esp when I am currently being torn with choosing IDT and it actually happens on THURSDAY where I have tuition with this kid. I mean I just started the course. How can I keep changing. And she seems that she would be pretty unhappy if I ask for ca change. But I really wanna go for IDT> Sighs. Help God.
Teach me to put my trust in you Lord. That you will truly lead me in theway of everlasting. Help Lord.
Anyway, the proverbs verse :
"Better to be lowly and have a servant
than to play the great man and lack bread"
Reminds me of what Jesus said about the first shall be the last and the last be first. Humility is the key here i believe. Another apt reminder but for me this one seems to point more to my Christian life. That I should not hinge on the stuff I have done and know and only to be poor in God (ie not filled with Him, never do QT properly.)
--
Okay. That's about all for today. Got tuition later and got to send out quite a bit of things.I feel like writing today actually, so perhaps I might be able to write something tonight. I am hoping to get these 2 days as break actually. I mean, yea, I haven't got a proper day of break since I don't know when. But we will see how God leads the way, right? =)
--
God bless!
Innocence
12:37 PM
March 30 Bible Reading.
Got myself a One year bible today (I swear pple shd just keep me in my hse when I have money. I overspend.) Anyhows, I shall attempt to write something about what I read everyday. We will see how this one last. I swear my discipline SUCKS.
--
The Deuteronomy passage spoke nothing much to me except for the 14:2, "For you are are people holy to the Lord, your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for his treaured possession out of the peoples on the face of the earth". The first thing I thought was that it echoed the verse in 1 Peter (or was it 2) about us being royal priests for Him. I guessed it also echoned something that Pastor Edmund said today about Man. God created man to be significant, to be purposeful and that is one thing that is consistent in both the old and new testament. It's also a good reminder of who I am in God too.
However, I don't really see much point in the rest of the passage besides rules and more rules governing the people. I don't even really reconciliate the fact that a loving God would set so much rules for the people. Anyone care to enlighten this for me?
The Luke passage stood out more to me though. A few things that stood out in the passge and even more stood up when I consulted my study bible.
Luke 8:48 : And he said to her, "Daughter, your faith had made you well, go in peace". The study bible I have stated that this is the only time Jesus called someone by this designation. Yes daughter. And it got me thinking. we are called sons and daughters of God, isn't it? Then wouldn't this be a guide of what He wants us to be? So i referred back to the story. Apparently, this unnamed woman was the one who touched Jesus's coat in a crowd and was healed. When Jesus felt the tufg, He turned and asked who was the one who touched Him and she admitted. What stood out for me was the fact that the woman trusted Jesus. Well, her healing wasn't even spectacular if you ask me, she just touched Jesus, end of story. No proclamations, no rar rar, but a silent trust that maybe if she touched Jesus she would be clean again. And she reached out, within the multitude that was surrounding Jesus, she reached out and touched and was healed. And Jesus called her daughter.
If we, were to be like this woman, to just reach out to Jesus in silent trust, trusting His power to heal us, would we not be called daughters of God as well?
So, the criteria of being His daughter was simply faith.
Maybe because I am slightly more aware today, I realized something interesting about the Luke passage. A starking contrast. The 1st story was a quiet demonstration of Jesus power and Jesus wanted to single her out and make a statement for the people, on the other hand, the following incident which is the bringing of a dead man to life (which to me seems like a more WOW event. Life and death vs Clean and Unclean) was told to be kept hush hush. And unlike the previous incident where no proclamations were made by Jesus, this one, Jesus said something pretty dramatic in my opinion, "Child, arise". very powerful,
So while I can understand, from my precious study bible that, Jesus did not want to announce the latter because of a few reasons like, he did not want to be seen as a miracle worker (which I agree. Jesus wouldn't want people to flock to Him because of his miracles. The whole point of Jesus would be missed. His primary purpose wasn't to be a miracle worker. His purpose is for man's salvation and that made a whole lot of difference) and another reason was that He did not want unwanted publicity and thre last that the bible offer3ed was that He did not want to bring forward His death until He had done all that was needed to do.
All perfectly sound reasons if you ask me, but what I have a little problem with was that , why did He announce the woman's healing from hermormage but not a dead child's rose to death. This time my study bible didn't prove helpful. All it said was something on the lines of Jesus found it approiate. Well, I am not God, so I would never know why, but it seemed to me that this kept reminding of something that was said on the Sermon on the Mount. "The weak shall be strong," COuld it be that Jesus wanted to show us that what we feel as unimportant, unpubliclity worthy are those things that are worth publicising? Or could it be that, Jesus honoured the faith of the woman so much to single her out as a living example for all of us? or was it that Jesus was full of compassion for the woman and that He wanted to know who was the one that He had healed so that He can give her a blessing for her faith?
Well, I guess we can never find out why because we are not God. But the truth, I guess, is that, God honoured the woman and her faith. And if we are as faithful, we would be honoured someway as well.
Towards the end of the Luke chapter talked about how Jesus sent his Twelve out, giving instructions on how they shouldn't take much - ie Depend on the people, stay in other people's houses - ie don't go around looking for better lodging and stay within the community to serve the others. This second point actually reminds me of something that I learnt in JC that is best captured in the verse that is loosely rephrased as We are in the world but no of the world. I mean, if we don't make friends with non Christians, backslidded believers, how are we going to spread Christ to them? If we don't mix with them, like Jesus eating with the tax collectors, how are they going to find out about God's everlasting love? And speaking of which, have I been a good Christian role model for the people around me? Why is it that I have such a nagging feeling that I am not? They don't even know I am Christian. Not only that, have I been showing God's love to the kids? Well, I feel that I have been too easily angered by them, more obsessed with the fact that the class was too noisy and complaining how my throat hurts. Maybe God did know me enough, that's why He gave me a sore throat so that I would not scream. But in any case, sorry Father, so the times where I could have shown your love more and did not, for the times that I had possibly forgot that you once said, "Let all the little children come to me" and that those who received those kids are eqivalent to recieving you.
The last line of my Luke passage intrigued me as well. It said that whenever people did not recieve Him, the disciples were to shakes off the dust from their own feet as a testimony against them. And I consulted my darling study bible again only to realize irt meant SEPARATION. It was like God saying, if you don't want me, I would have nothing to do with you. This felt like a symbolism for revelations to me. If we do not admit Jesus as Lord, He would not admit us as children as well and we would be judged on the the Second coming. What really captured me besides the link to the 2nd coming was the tone of it. The harshness that reminded me that God is a just God. He wasn't just a Grandfather God. He meant business as well.
I think I spent quite a bit on the Luke bit. On to the Psalms.
Pslam 71:19-21
O God who is like you
You who have made me see
many troubles and
calamities
will revive me again
from the depths of the earth
you will bring me up again
you will increase my greatness
and comfort me again.
It is ironic that this spoke me to me that the verse they bolded for the day. I see the emphasis of WILL and AGAIN signifying that He was a God of hope and a loving God. He will pick us up AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. It is not He MIGHT but He will. And He keeps His promise. I like the 1st 2 line sa well, reminding me that pain inevitable (quote Pastor Edmund) and the thing is, it is INEVITABLE but God will lead us out.
I am reminded that I was time and again far away from God and He still brought me back time after time. Just take the recent turnback from God. After MONTHS of ignoring Him, He took me back and continued to love me and bless me and still showing me new things about Himself day by day. My life story is indeed filled with the fingerprints of God. I fall time and again but yet I rise by the grace of God and everytime I fall, and rise again, I realize I grown, I realize I learn mroe about Him, I realise I have more to share to people around me. The feeling of falling is horrible, but God returned me threefold? Thousandfold? When I decided to go back to Him.
Even when things around me seem collapsing, allow me to quote from one of my fave songs by Natalie Grant called Held. " And the promise was that when everything fell we will be held" Indeed, I was always held. I can fall, but I fall into His embrace (I think it was from a Jaci Valeque song) and when everything else around me fell, I would be held into His embrace.
Amazing, So amazing to know that, He was indeed always there. He was, He is and He will catch us when we fall, love us when we are lonely, fill us when we are empty.
--
Something that Pastor Edmund said today stuck. Well, Pastor gives splendid sermons.That was something about a janitor's interpretation of the revelations (one of the hardest book of the bible). When asked about what she understood from the book of Revelations, she said simply, "Jesus has won"
How simple.
How amazing.
To be a victor already. Not in the process of fighting but already the winner.
--
I need to be more disciplined,
I need to be more disciplined.
Innocence
12:02 AM
March 30 Bible Reading.
Got myself a One year bible today (I swear pple shd just keep me in my hse when I have money. I overspend.) Anyhows, I shall attempt to write something about what I read everyday. We will see how this one last. I swear my discipline SUCKS.
--
The Deuteronomy passage spoke nothing much to me except for the 14:2, "For you are are people holy to the Lord, your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for his treaured possession out of the peoples on the face of the earth". The first thing I thought was that it echoed the verse in 1 Peter (or was it 2) about us being royal priests for Him. I guessed it also echoned something that Pastor Edmund said today about Man. God created man to be significant, to be purposeful and that is one thing that is consistent in both the old and new testament. It's also a good reminder of who I am in God too.
However, I don't really see much point in the rest of the passage besides rules and more rules governing the people. I don't even really reconciliate the fact that a loving God would set so much rules for the people. Anyone care to enlighten this for me?
The Luke passage stood out more to me though. A few things that stood out in the passge and even more stood up when I consulted my study bible.
Luke 8:48 : And he said to her, "Daughter, your faith had made you well, go in peace". The study bible I have stated that this is the only time Jesus called someone by this designation. Yes daughter. And it got me thinking. we are called sons and daughters of God, isn't it? Then wouldn't this be a guide of what He wants us to be? So i referred back to the story. Apparently, this unnamed woman was the one who touched Jesus's coat in a crowd and was healed. When Jesus felt the tufg, He turned and asked who was the one who touched Him and she admitted. What stood out for me was the fact that the woman trusted Jesus. Well, her healing wasn't even spectacular if you ask me, she just touched Jesus, end of story. No proclamations, no rar rar, but a silent trust that maybe if she touched Jesus she would be clean again. And she reached out, within the multitude that was surrounding Jesus, she reached out and touched and was healed. And Jesus called her daughter.
If we, were to be like this woman, to just reach out to Jesus in silent trust, trusting His power to heal us, would we not be called daughters of God as well?
So, the criteria of being His daughter was simply faith.
Maybe because I am slightly more aware today, I realized something interesting about the Luke passage. A starking contrast. The 1st story was a quiet demonstration of Jesus power and Jesus wanted to single her out and make a statement for the people, on the other hand, the following incident which is the bringing of a dead man to life (which to me seems like a more WOW event. Life and death vs Clean and Unclean) was told to be kept hush hush. And unlike the previous incident where no proclamations were made by Jesus, this one, Jesus said something pretty dramatic in my opinion, "Child, arise". very powerful,
So while I can understand, from my precious study bible that, Jesus did not want to announce the latter because of a few reasons like, he did not want to be seen as a miracle worker (which I agree. Jesus wouldn't want people to flock to Him because of his miracles. The whole point of Jesus would be missed. His primary purpose wasn't to be a miracle worker. His purpose is for man's salvation and that made a whole lot of difference) and another reason was that He did not want unwanted publicity and thre last that the bible offer3ed was that He did not want to bring forward His death until He had done all that was needed to do.
All perfectly sound reasons if you ask me, but what I have a little problem with was that , why did He announce the woman's healing from hermormage but not a dead child's rose to death. This time my study bible didn't prove helpful. All it said was something on the lines of Jesus found it approiate. Well, I am not God, so I would never know why, but it seemed to me that this kept reminding of something that was said on the Sermon on the Mount. "The weak shall be strong," COuld it be that Jesus wanted to show us that what we feel as unimportant, unpubliclity worthy are those things that are worth publicising? Or could it be that, Jesus honoured the faith of the woman so much to single her out as a living example for all of us? or was it that Jesus was full of compassion for the woman and that He wanted to know who was the one that He had healed so that He can give her a blessing for her faith?
Well, I guess we can never find out why because we are not God. But the truth, I guess, is that, God honoured the woman and her faith. And if we are as faithful, we would be honoured someway as well.
Towards the end of the Luke chapter talked about how Jesus sent his Twelve out, giving instructions on how they shouldn't take much - ie Depend on the people, stay in other people's houses - ie don't go around looking for better lodging and stay within the community to serve the others. This second point actually reminds me of something that I learnt in JC that is best captured in the verse that is loosely rephrased as We are in the world but no of the world. I mean, if we don't make friends with non Christians, backslidded believers, how are we going to spread Christ to them? If we don't mix with them, like Jesus eating with the tax collectors, how are they going to find out about God's everlasting love? And speaking of which, have I been a good Christian role model for the people around me? Why is it that I have such a nagging feeling that I am not? They don't even know I am Christian. Not only that, have I been showing God's love to the kids? Well, I feel that I have been too easily angered by them, more obsessed with the fact that the class was too noisy and complaining how my throat hurts. Maybe God did know me enough, that's why He gave me a sore throat so that I would not scream. But in any case, sorry Father, so the times where I could have shown your love more and did not, for the times that I had possibly forgot that you once said, "Let all the little children come to me" and that those who received those kids are eqivalent to recieving you.
The last line of my Luke passage intrigued me as well. It said that whenever people did not recieve Him, the disciples were to shakes off the dust from their own feet as a testimony against them. And I consulted my darling study bible again only to realize irt meant SEPARATION. It was like God saying, if you don't want me, I would have nothing to do with you. This felt like a symbolism for revelations to me. If we do not admit Jesus as Lord, He would not admit us as children as well and we would be judged on the the Second coming. What really captured me besides the link to the 2nd coming was the tone of it. The harshness that reminded me that God is a just God. He wasn't just a Grandfather God. He meant business as well.
I think I spent quite a bit on the Luke bit. On to the Psalms.
Pslam 71:19-21
O God who is like you
You who have made me see
many troubles and
calamities
will revive me again
from the depths of the earth
you will bring me up again
you will increase my greatness
and comfort me again.
It is ironic that this spoke me to me that the verse they bolded for the day. I see the emphasis of WILL and AGAIN signifying that He was a God of hope and a loving God. He will pick us up AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. It is not He MIGHT but He will. And He keeps His promise. I like the 1st 2 line sa well, reminding me that pain inevitable (quote Pastor Edmund) and the thing is, it is INEVITABLE but God will lead us out.
I am reminded that I was time and again far away from God and He still brought me back time after time. Just take the recent turnback from God. After MONTHS of ignoring Him, He took me back and continued to love me and bless me and still showing me new things about Himself day by day. My life story is indeed filled with the fingerprints of God. I fall time and again but yet I rise by the grace of God and everytime I fall, and rise again, I realize I grown, I realize I learn mroe about Him, I realise I have more to share to people around me. The feeling of falling is horrible, but God returned me threefold? Thousandfold? When I decided to go back to Him.
Even when things around me seem collapsing, allow me to quote from one of my fave songs by Natalie Grant called Held. " And the promise was that when everything fell we will be held" Indeed, I was always held. I can fall, but I fall into His embrace (I think it was from a Jaci Valeque song) and when everything else around me fell, I would be held into His embrace.
Amazing, So amazing to know that, He was indeed always there. He was, He is and He will catch us when we fall, love us when we are lonely, fill us when we are empty.
--
Something that Pastor Edmund said today stuck. Well, Pastor gives splendid sermons.That was something about a janitor's interpretation of the revelations (one of the hardest book of the bible). When asked about what she understood from the book of Revelations, she said simply, "Jesus has won"
How simple.
How amazing.
To be a victor already. Not in the process of fighting but already the winner.
--
I need to be more disciplined,
I need to be more disciplined.
Innocence
12:02 AM
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
This post should be short.
--
It's not my fault I am sick.
And it's not like I like being sick. For the record, I do want to get well as well. It's bad enough you IGNORE me. I don't need you sarcastic little remarks. And btw,I am gonna go to school tomorrow, no matter what. I'm just gonna FORCE myself to it somehow. Bring stockpiles of panadol and tissue. I rather faint in school (which I won't. Coz I only "fainted" once in my life before. I have a higher chance of feeling darn horrible and sniffing the whole day) than to stay at home for you to laugh at.
And for the record, I was working till I was sick. Yes, I earned like a 100 bucks on monday? And the continuous working killed me. And I am even lazy to tell you more. I mean for what, seriously, you will just sit and laugh that I am a weakling. Like always.
You just love finding fault in me don't you? You think I am not good enough and all you are looking at is my flaws to fit your def isn't it?
Face it.
I am not perfect.
I have things that I am good at and things that I am NOT good at. If you wanna stare at the latter, you have a lot to support your pt. By right I shouldn't be caring, but apparently I am feeling horrendous about and I am unhappy that you are making me horrendous abt it.
It's amazing that my brain is actually functioning (of sorts). The sneezes interupt my train of thoughts though. I think I am getting sleepy.
--
These are days you wish for a bf and some physical comfort like sleeping on his shoulders and a hug that tell you that everything's alright. A kiss on your forehead to tell you that he will be there and someone to cook porridge and perhaps feed you.
But oh well. That's my little dream. That def will not come true for the near future.
I should be hitting the beds soon. How did I survive till 10pm I have no idea.
I really hope I don't get panadol poisoning coz I will be eating another em.. 2 before I sleep.
--
I really don't like being sick.
At least not at the wrong time.
Sorry for sounding so emo, but I really wished someone cared.
Innocence
9:51 PM
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I am freaking pissed.
Because my mum is freaking nagging at me on MY BIRTHDAY. Doesn't she see that I am freaking upset enough coz NOBODY I know is celebrating with me (Minus Dad. But I would prefer friends). Does it matter whether she is having her freaking own TROUBLES? Hello, I have mine too, how about YOU listening to me, instead? No, you freaking never listen. You think you are so damned good that you don't have to listen to my opinion.
Freaking hell shut up.
It's my birthday and I don't freaking care about whether your life sucks or not coz you are making my freaking life miserable but rubbing in things. I repeat, I freaking DON'T care whatever happens to you and Dad becoz I have longed gotten used to not having parents at all. Yes. I am an emotional orphan all along. Who wouldn't when your mum is freaking psychologically mad, refuses to seek help (then again all mad people think they are normal) and forever in her own freaking world? She's deprived. Doesn't mean I CAN provide her with the emotional support that she needs. Damn. I am NOT a punching bag or an emotional rock.
I am sick of caring. Tell you the freaking truth. You are the one who's freaking EMPTY inside. And because it is freaking empty, you fill it up with junk. You have been insulted and stepped upon (who doesn't go through stuff like that), but that doesn't mean you can push me down like that. Since you can't exert a pride to the people around you doesn't mean you can exert it on ME.
Stop that bullshit about suffering. WHO THE HELL DOESN'T SUFFER? I can acknowledge that you suffered but your suffering doesn't freaking mean you are a whole hierarchy above me. Suffering doesn't elvate your status. GET IT? No, you don't.
And I already said a hundred and one times. Don't make me cry on my birthday. I have them sucky for YEARS.
Sec 4 - I had to cry coz Mum refused to let me out to see Shaos. And in any case, I ended up only seeing Shao for an hr or two coz she had stuff on (I don't blame her though)
J1- What birthday? Shao and I are off by then. Nobody even REMEMBERED. How does that feel? Forgotten.
J2- I was MUGGING math on my bdae. MATH. Horrid math.
And this year? It's already upsetting enough. Don't add oil. Or I will explode.
Stop your freaking sympathy speeches. I don't need your sympathy. Freaking hell. I am okay if you are really sympathetic. But you are not. You just wanna feel the pride of being better than the others. You push people down just to feel better about yourself. Ya. You feel better. You gloat in your victories.
What about me?
Do I deserve being put down like that?
In any case. You have no freaking right to out me down like that coz you are NOT God. Contrary to what you freaking feel, You have no right over me AT ALL.
And stop that nonsense about caring about me, because you don't. In the few times you did, it's more of an exhibition of your freaking pride. Ie: You care because you want the busk in the glory of you being able to care.
Sheesh. That's why Dad went away. It's your fault. Coz I know Daddy loves me. Although it's true that he can get irresponsible at times, I know he loves me. Stop your freaking propaganda about what Dad doesn't care. He does. Stop lying. You want to demonise him so that you are justify his departure that it is none of your fault. But it is. It's all your fault. How do I know? Because I being through it. You don't know what type of fear you put into people's heart. You don't how fearful we are of you. You don't know how even your voice send trembles down my spine everytime I hear.
And then I run. I keep the phone calls short. I keep my communications with you short. In short, I don't want to associate with a demon like you.
And in anycase, if you are really at peace with his freaking departure, why are still harping on it? Harping on it everyday. Do you not know that but saying those things out everyday doesn't assist in the healing process at all. More like you prolong it.
And if you really convinced that what you have done is right, I don't see why you need to defend it. And let's just be frank, if you believe that you have done is correct, then you have to bear the consequences. Simple as that. Do you actuallythink everything can be perfect? Do you actually think that by screaming and forcing people to abide to your rules you will get a perfect household?
Bullshit.
Let get the cards right this time. If you are fully convinced that screaming at people are the way to maintain a household, then you will have the face the consequences of me (+Dad) leaving the household (emotionally). Simple as that.
If you really believe that you are so freaking damned good that you can order people around, then pay the consequence that I would not come to your freaking rescue when you need it. If you are weak, SHOW that you're weak. Then it makes sense. If you want to be all dominant, why would anyone "help" you.
Understand the ways of life.
Understand that, so what it is family?I think God makes a better father. WAY better. Family are made up of broken people like you and I who are willing to help each other out healing our brokeneness. Even if the brokeness can't be healed, family is the place we find solace.
And in any case, when I say solace it means, ACCEPTING people's faults. Not scrutinize and try to change them. Face it, you are not God. You can't change a person. At least not by screaming at them. Besides accepting it, it also entails EMBRACING it. To work out something together. NOT scream and expect the person to change. It doesn't happen. Psychology 101 should tell you that.
And in any case, in an ironic turn of events, some of my "bad habits" seem to be rooted in you! You were the one who thinks friends are unimportant. Instead of helping me see your point, which may have made a vast of difference, yopu try to scream it into my head. FINE. I will find my own friends.
Before anyone starts saying how family is supposingly 100% reliable, I must first say, a) family is make up of people who are sinful and broken, how can they be 100% reliable? And b) Look at my mum and dad. Goodness. As a comparison, maybe some of my friends are more reliable that them.
One last thing, don't ever compare sufferings. I suggest you go read more books. C S Lewis once said something on that line that pain cannot be measured. There is no SI uni for pain. You can't say that because I have been through XYZ and you have only gone through XY therefore I suffer more pain than you. Becoz everyone is made differently and they deal with sufferings differently. The same person can deal with the same incident but feel different degrees of pain. A person may feel that the same incident is nothing but to B person it feels like the world to them. So my point, don't come around saying you suffered more than me. The theory doesn't stand.
And btw, don't ever stop trying to make me not follow my heart. Becoz I can't and won't do it. And yes, the more you scream the more I wanna go bible college as an act of rebellion. I think studying the bible is fun.
And I love my biology and my history/political science and these are the things that I would do for uni. I don't care what you are gonna to say.
Coz this is MY life.
You have no right.
Innocence
3:07 PM
102 is a nice number as well =). Coz 1 then 2, running order.
I seem to have very whacked theories! But whatever.
--
Woke up this morning at 7 due to Woodgrove Pri calling me to relief teach. Well, the bad part is my interrupted sleep (which I regained when I got home), the good part is that it's 65 bucks without doing anything besides telling brats to shut up. If you ask me, it's free money. MUAHAHA =)
--
Birthday!
Whee!
Let's see the birthday wishes I have until now:
Sarah Couz : Happy Bdae (Coz I forced her to say it..HEHE)
Quan: Sheng Ri Quai Le @ 12am sharp (PURRFECT timing)
June: Happy Bdae Jessie. P.S Am I the 1st one? (Sorry no.) and I chose MSN to save $ (Whatever)
Siyi (via SMS) : Happy Birthday to you. Now that you're 19 years, don't act like you are 19 months! :P (I am MATURE can. I think you are the one who's acting 19 mths..)
Tzening(Via overseas phone call..bills. gosh): Happy Birthday. Then we caught up a little.
Noel: Happy happy day! (Happy day? I do believe you mean happy birthday!
M. Will update again tomorrow =)
I need to collate the birthday list to feel loved. HA.
I think the relief teaching job is God's Bdae gift for me. Em. Would there be more?
Dad's getting me a new phone tomorrow. W910i HERE I COME!
--
I think. Sometimes we should really give in to God's timing.
Even when we are doing God's work.
To know sometimes even if we bring His Word to the people, we may not get the favourable reponse.
To know that even so, the seed had been sowed
To know that we are in His will
To know that He will do the rest
Although we don't see it.
--
Innocence
12:05 AM
Monday, March 17, 2008
Post 101. 101 is a nice number because it is palindromic. Ie: It reads the same forwards and backwards. =)
I got this feeling this blogpost will be like Post 100, a little random, but whatever. It's MY blog anyway.
--
Things I have to do
1.Attempt to apply for aid from the unis. The NTU bursary is like $3000 max,IU have having second thoughts about applying for that -__-
2. Write my BB letter ASAP
3. Mail out the PSC stuff and the SMU stuff (I swear I'm gonna miss the deadline for PSC soon)
4. Pack my room before my birthday. Neat places make Jessie happy.
5. Apply for warranty for Mummy's phone
6. Get my new phone (W910i! Swoons)
Okay thereabts.
--
My shoe broke while I was walking to church.
Yes. I made an absolute fool out of myself in church. Imagine DRAGGING your feet whereever you go, having your friends accompany you to take the lift coz you can't take the freaking stairs. What a memory -_-
The only few good things that came out of it was that a) I had friends who helped. Not scorned at my predicament. b) I managed to borrow a pairs of slippers from the nursery to walk to Greenridge so I did not have to embrass myself outside church. c) I got a cheap replacement slippers from the GreeenRidge shop at $9.70. d) I had a nice lunch with Perazim and Jessica.
Okay, they say count your blessings right.
So it turns out my shoe incident isn't that bad afterall *grins*
--
Yes. Out of my kind compassion (what's with the nonchalancy, Jess), I bought mum a new phone. And mum paid me back anyway. A nice samsung phone that is light, pretty and user friendly. It was 130 bucks, but I decided to tell Mum it was 100+ so she gave me 110 instead.
Well, the 20 bucks is worth it considering that we are not cold waring anymore (Joy!)
Then again, becoz I have to pay SMU admin fees by cheque, Mum has to pay. So it kinda equals up.
--
"我的声音在笑泪在飙电话那头的你可知道
世界若是那麽大为何我要忘你无处逃
我的声音在笑泪在飙电话那头的你可知道
世界若是那麽小为何我的真心你
听不到"
Sometimes I am amazed by how close to truth this chorus is.
Well since this is an open blog, it shall remain like that.
--
I don't see why Irene can think of Ying as Kel. They sound so freaking different.
I think I can make a better impersonation. =)
--
"我和我最后的倔强握紧双手绝对不放下一站是不是天堂就算失望不能绝望我和我骄傲的倔强我在风中大声的唱这一次为自己疯狂就这一次我和我的倔强"
Innocence
2:39 PM
Friday, March 14, 2008
Post 100!
Can't believe I have had this blog for like 2 years now? Pretty amazing. Anyway, *pts to new blog skin* of Final Fantasy starring Cloud & Tifa. Credits to whoever at Blogskin for such a beautiful skin. Pretty ain't it! I wanted a Kuchiki Byakuay skin but somehow nobody made one that is up to my rather, high expectations.
Anyways. For people who are curious about what I have been up to since I stopped working since 15 Feb 2008, I have generally being slacking.
Books I have read over this month:
What's So Amazing About Grace - Philip Yancey
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
Boy Meets Girl - Joshua Harris
The Tale of 3 Kings - Can't Rmb Author
The 12 that changed the world - Can't Rmb Author either
Currently reading:
Love in The Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (1/4 into the book.)
Books I borrowed from lib that I should be reading soon:
Veronika Decides to Die - Paulo Coelho
The Zahir - Paulo Coelho
Books I have bought that are sitting on my bookshelf that ought to be read:
Disappointment With God - Philip Yancey
What is God when it hurts - Philip Yancey
What Jesus Demands From the World - John Piper
Listen to Me Satan - Annacodia
Books that I am gonna return to the library later becoz I have no time/interest to read them anymore:
How to Hear from God - Joyce Meyer
Beyond Jabez - Bruce Wiilkinson
Books that I want to read (despite a whole long waiting list)
Wuthering Heights - Charlotte Bronte
Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen
Sense & Sensibility - Jane Austen
A Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards
Paulo Coehlo books.
Ancient Mythology (Aaa... I forgot to bring Sarah's books home)
PS I love you - Cecelia Adhern (Well, that must be after DL's done before people accuse me of plagiarism)
I should read more lit books when I have the time and mood. Before I sound extremely ignorant in front of people.
Lit books are good for me to improve my English as well.
I am a book worm.
Nerd.
Geek.
Call me whatever you want.
But I did went out as well aka I have a life.
Tues: Met Quan and ALF
Weds: Met Siyi and the MT pple
Thurs: Had bowling and lunch with Joseph
Fri: Had lunch with Sysmex people
Sat: NUS open house with Siyi, the dinner with Brian and TIm
Sun: Church
See. I have a life.
--
Anyways. Bdae's 5 days, 19 March. Yes. I am turning 19 on 19 March. 19 on the 19 March. What a nice ring to it! The last teen year as well =) And yes, to all you people who are currently scratching your heads on what you are intending to give me, my birthday wish list!
Jessie's Birthday Wishlist 1. A good mp3 player
2. A new phone (M. I think I can bribe Dad on this)
3. Books (Yes. I am a nerd)
4. Cds (Heh. Mayday, FIR for Chinese. English I want nice alternative music, acoustic music, that sort =))
5. Nice Notebooks (Coz they are pretty to look at)
6. Jewellery (Yep. Risa got me ear rings. Wheeness. But no girl will think that there ain't enough jewellery)
7. New wallet (long ones please)
8. A laptop (LOL)
9. Soft Toys (if you really run out things to buy.. But i already have a lot la)
10. Bleach Merchandises (Byakuya-sama!)
11. Clothes
12. Cake with candles.
13. Shades
14. Money also can =)
Strictly NO photoframes. I hate them coz I don't put up photos.
Oh. And thanks to people who already gave me my bdae pressies:
Sarah Couz - Thankies for Kiwi. It's freaking adorable.
Irene Honey - Thanks for the necklace =) The ring's pretty!
Siyi - You said you got me my present. So ya. Thanks first lor.
Risa - I don't think you know it's my bdae but in any case. I loves the earings. I shal wear is the next time I see you. HEH.
And anyone who's intending to send/buy me presents, ARIGATO!
=)
--
Someone should whip me into editing my PSC essay before I miss the deadline.
A level results aren't spectacular. I was expecting 4As. But I guess I would't complain if I get into Law School.
Got my other apps done except SMU and PSC. Sighs.
Siyi should stop tempting me about University of Sydney. My mum won't pay for it. But I think the IR & Law double degree is uber fun.
--
My darn sound system is screwed. I can't listen to music properly with my com now.
--
I need a job for cash.
And to kill time and have a life.
Work that I wanna try before I die
1. Baristas at Coffee Bean/ Starbucks
2. Cd Shop
3. Book Store
I wanna do community work too. Hang on. I am serving at 12th now anyway. Maybe dealing with kids? But my schedule's pretty packed. Let's see.
But anyways. Job hunting begins next week. Any interesting jobs for me?
--
I need to be in tune with Politics and Current Affairs because a) I have a law school interview and b) I wanna be informed. I like to know what's going 'round about me. Sheesh. And I stopped subscribing to TIME already. Then again, I was never a big TIME fan. I like The Economist more. The articles speak more to me.
Hm. National Geographic has nice articles too.
So does Scientific American.
Nahz. Just The Economist will make me happy. Mum will kill me if I order too many mags and NOT read them.
--
Mum and I are at Cold War still. For the past week or so.
It was something to do with me coming home late I think. Ark.
--
I have decided to discontinue Linger for the time being. Will be deleting the fic once the review comes in. I will keep a soft copy of the story in my com though.
Will be concentrating on DL and PP though.
--
I wanna meet Esther up one of these days to check. Gosh. When was the last time I met her? Last year. And SHOOTS. I haven't bought her a birthday present. I better take that down.
I haven't passed Gareth his either. His Xmas + Bdae 2-in-1 present.
OH OH. Noel as well. But would I be meeting him soon? *ponders*
--
Sheesh. Haven't done QT in 2 days. Someone kick me. All these going out is killing me QT (Wait. I think it's MY fault for not doing QT) Okay. I will go pray immediately when I am done with this.
--
Do you guys actually understand this post? Ha. There's a reason why it is called Pieces of Mind. Yes with the S. =)
--
Innocence
5:15 PM
Thursday, March 06, 2008
History - Matthew WestIts been a bad day, you've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes, a world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory
Chorus:
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So leave it all behind you
Let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history
You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way
Repeat chorus
Yeah Yeah
Would you believe that you are history
In the making, in the making
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making
Repeat chorus
Yeah yeah
Oh history is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making
--
A little commentary from West himself:
Philippians 3:13-14, 1 Timothy 1:12-17
'Everyone's past is filled with imperfections. The scriptures say, "...All have sinned..." But the second we recognize how much we need forgiveness and ask God for His grace to save us, it's done. Now if you're anything like me, that seems to be only half the battle. For me, the hardest part is forgiving myself. The mistakes I've made try to haunt me, follow me and remind me that I'm no good. The failures of yesterday become the regrets of today; the regrets of today become the discouragement of tomorrow, and before you know it, the future starts looking more and more like the past. The Bible speaks clearly to all of us sinners, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-and I was the worst of them all (1 Timothy 1:15)." It's that simple, we're saved. All that stuff that we used to wear around our hearts like a two-ton weight, that's all history now. But the story doesn't end there. God's love can make history of your past. He forgives and forgets. Now it's time to move forward into a life of grace. Because, the truth is, God isn't done with you yet. Your life from here on out, starting with the next breath you breathe, is history in the making! What if we lived every single second ready and willing for God to do something great with our lives? This entire project is for anyone who has ever made a mistake. God's grace can forgive you. It's up to you to forgive yourself. The crazy thing is, even as I write this, and even as you read this, history is in the making!' - Matthew West
Innocence
12:07 AM
