Monday, December 22, 2008
For some reason, the QT for the past two days hasn't been very inspired by the Word. I was touched by Pslams 139 two days back but that was about it for the Word. On the other hand, Closer to God (a devotional) has been more inspiring. I didn't get any new insights per say from it, but because Closerto God for this week is Isaiah and how after sinning so badly, at the end of the day, the Lord still decided to let them come back to Jerusalem with more riches than ever before. It reminded me strongly about the prodigal son story where after the son squandered away all the money, at the end of the day, the father not only still welcomed back but even had a feast for such an unfilal son. I guess, at the end of the day, no matter how badly I have sinned against God, so much so that sometimes I wonder if God still would love me, the truth is He still does. It's not that God owed me anything but rather he loved me too much to accept such an assymetrical relationship. Two things came to mind thereafter. First, I really don't derserve what God di to me, but He still did. ALl I could do is to stare in awe of Him and say, hey Daddy, You didn't have to do that. Secondly, it made me feel more hopeful. I don't know whether it's just me but I seem to have a tendency to run away everytime I feel guilty. It's not just God, it's everything under the sun. Eg: I am coming home later but I know my mum doesn't like it, I don't even want to tell her anything until i absolutely have to do so when the ending might have been happier if I had told her earlier coz it at least it showed that I am more responsible. The same thing gors for God, everytime I sinned, I run. Something like what Adam and Eve did when they sinned against God. And I was just so scared to retrun. The passgs served to remind me that, hey, God still loved me. It granted me courage to start tore do my QT and to seek more. It reminded me that God is not a kill-joy who sought to punish for the sake of punishing. If He ever punished, it was out of love and desperation.
Today's QT, somehow God seem to focus me on certain aspects. First is the fact that He is MY God. God is not a God just stands at the sidelines and just watch things go, ie: He is not a spectator. He is my God, He is interested about me. He wants to help me. Although sometimes I don't seem to see His hand, I can trust His heart that He cares about me. Even if the world failed and I am the only person left today, He would still sustain the world for me. I was important and I was special. Because He is my God, I can go to Him with all my requests and complains and He would still listen to me. He wants to see me happy, hopeful and peaceful and He knows that the only way for me t attain true joy, hope and peace is through Him which is why sometimes things happen to remind me of that. But at the heart of it all, He's the God who just want the best of me. And when I put this into perspective, I realized, my true motivation for being joyful and all is really because God created and wanted me to be. Granted, I can't attain all these on my own but what I can do is to desire this and want to be like and let Him work.
In closing, there was another thing that God reminded me about. I guess it feels horrible to be always looking at people around you and comparing how you are never good enough. The truth is, we are never good enough to begin with. We are fallen creatures. But it's hard to reconcil the fact that God said we were special and what nots but yet when we look around, everyone seems to have better talents than us. God has gently reminded me firstly of my comparing spirit, don't ever compare sufferings or talents and start feeling miserable. If God created me, I must be somehow fine. Another thing that He said was that sometimes we just isolate certain talents and we say he we are noit good enough. When God said that we are good enough (though fallen, ie the original creation was good enough), He meant us as a package. To isolate certain parts of us and say hey this is better/worse off than others is obviously is misjudge. Also, God's defination of better/worse/good enough is very different from us.I don't really know what's His defs are, but I am quite sure our conventional def doesn't really reflect what God meant when He say that we are good enough.
Innocence
2:44 PM
