Monday, November 17, 2008
Okay. My bf and I broke up. So thereby he shall be called the ex. Well, before you guys start throwing arrows and what nots, we are still friends. We had a few fights and yes, we don't hate each other.
But I thought I could do some stocktaking. I think my brain and heart hasn't 100% fully registered what has happened but well we broke up yes. I guess it has particularly taken a toll on me coz it's my first relationship and it has been one that has been better than expected. Perhaps when things are too good to be true that's when the problem start. You see, I never went into a relationship expecting all things to be perfect and I don't that that much of an expectations of a bf so when I was around my ex I was like wow, I am really enjoying this relationship.
Then things started spiralling downwards when we started spending too much time together and time together became time just to spend together rather than time spent to know each other and knowing each other intimately. Well, given my private personality when it comes to certain issues, my ex began to get upset that I wasn't sharing and the lack of personal time made me lose myself. Up till now, while my ex gave me reasons why we should break up I still felt that he hasn't given me a proper chance yet. I am getting over it, yes, but I would have preferred that we cool it off, talk things out and maybe restart in a month's time rather than a complete call off. I mean, the way he saw me was not technically true me but rather a me that was oppressed, away from God, depressed and what nots. Perhaps that was why there was a nagging unfairness tugging at my heart saying like, perhaps if he had seen me on better days maybe he wouldn't have this character-problem reason for a break up. But nahs, he decided it was final, he was so resolute, and what could I do but let go? I am just glad at least I am still sane most of the time and I can squeeze some study time in.
Sighs.
Innocence
4:55 PM
