Tuesday, May 22, 2007

instructions.
1. put your music player on shuffle.
2. press forward for each question.
3. use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

how are you feeling today?
Better to Run – Linkin Park

Whee. Sonia is just waving her mins to midnight album in my face the whole day. But I guess it’s true, today we were talking something about escapist. It is human nature to run, no, I should rephrase it. It’s human nature to avoid pain and to avoid the pain we run.

Am I running? Am I running from reality again? I realized sometimes, we run so much that we forget that we are running. We don’t know how to stop anymore.

Facing is a art. I am learning it, but it’s just so depressing sometimes that you find that no one takes a look at your progress. Their standards are there and then you either meet it or not meet it, no one cares about how much effort you put into or how far the distance you have covered.

Don’t you think humans can be the most inhumane people around

will you get far in life?
My God – Hillsong [London]

This so doesn’t answer the question so I just start rambling. The word My makes this song extremely special for He is not just a God, The God, Some God but He is My God. When we use the word My, it meant that we have a relationship to speak of and the closeness and intimacy just automatically sinks in. Also, it is a good reminder that He is for us for it is written, if He is for us, who can be against us.

The word My also says that our God is personal. He lives within us and there is this ownership that comes with it. It would be wrong to say that we “own” God like an object, but it is also written that we are His inheritance and in a sense, we have ownership in God.

Because it is also ours, it also means that God is easily found. We know that God does not concede to all our demands, but one thing for sure, He is always with me and he is MY God.

Well, in an attempt to answer the question. Will I get far in life? I guess I will but only by the grace and mercy of our Lord and the distance I cover may not be significant to some people. But I know in full confidence that it is significant to Him. I guess my life will resonate His glory and praise too?

how do your friends see you?
Here I am to Worship – Tim Hughes

Absolutely true. What my friends see me reflects what I worship. If I offer my praises to the material things of the world, my friends would see it, my actions will show. But if I offer my worship to our Lord and Saviour, my friends will see the kindness and goodness and love that comes from a sweet fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Confidence also comes when we are reassured with Him.

Guess what, the chorus goes: Here I am to worship, Here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you are My GOD. Sounds like God is trying to remind me something, no?

Everytime I listen to this song, I am always reminded our purpose on earth, and that is to simply come and worship Him. And why do we worship Him? Because He is good. And everytime the word Here I am is sang, I am always reminded of the verse, “Here I am, send me” I always see this picture of me standing at the tabernacle of God and remaining really still and saying, Here I am. Here I am.

will you get married?
We Bow Down – Chris Tomlin

WE bow down. I guess if I were ever to get married, I will marry a devout Christian.. But somehow, this song is really apt. To love each other, a couple must first love God. Human love can never satisfy and only He can. We cannot rely on our the other half to supply for all of our needs. God made couples so that they can help to encourage and walk with each other in the pursuit of eternity. Lone warriors don’t survive as well in the battle for life.

Don’t you think the sight of couples worshipping the Lord together is just so wonderful?

Moreover, we can’t love until we first discover His love for us. Our conceptions of love are so shallow, so self centered and so navie. We will never know what true love is by observing other people. We can only know what it is just knowing what Christ did for us. He died for a group of undeserving sinners on the cross. Before Christ, is there anyone in history that has gone such a noble thing? I guess not. (Someone please educate me if I’m wrong)

We also can’t give our the other half the most of ourselves when we are un-surrendered to Him. It is when we truly trust in the Lord that the veil of self protection is torn and the lies of sufficiency is exposed, that we can love, not because of the “feeling” but because we know that we are created to love. This love is an innate thing that needs no extra strength or effort to carry out. This love may not be as complete as the Lord’s, but we are not burdened, because He will take care of the rest.

what is your best friend's theme song?
Better is one day – Matt Redman

Which best friend should I talk about? LOL. I guess best friends in general make you feel really good in their presence. And I really do enjoy my best friends company, like sitting on a bus and talking, or grabbing a coffee and drinking and just sharing about life and all. And it’s true that sometimes spending a day with my best friends is better than a thousand other days with some *cough* people.

Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day than thousands elsewhere

what is the story of your life?
I’ll Make a Man out Of You – Mulan

Strangely close to what I am going through. How we grow up in this nice environment where we are going through trainings and trainings to meet that final battle on day. For now it’s the As but we know life is more than that. And the beautiful thing about life iss, just as it is written that He would not lead us into places where His grace cannot reach us, no matter how much hardships we go through, His grace will come through to us and we will be saved. Not literally but definitely.

The way how the soldiers reacted and how the commanders are like “How can I make a man out of you” sounds so much like teachers saying “can you all buck up!” Well, I guess they do care although the way they show isn’t really it…

Well just continue fighting!

what was high school like?
All I Want is You – Planetshakers

I love this song I love this song. I really feel like worshipping Him rather than type this but oh wells. The first line goes “ I waited all my life to be here face to face” And that kinda sums up my JC life. JC is where I really encountered God first hand, really saw Him face and face, tasted the sweetness in my mouth and feel His presence coming to me like a rushing wind. Amazing. And this is my JC life, not completed yet, but already enough to keep me in awe. The whole JC period was spent knowing about Him, growing in Him, experiencing Him and enjoying Him. It is the encounter. The life changing encounter that happens when we meet God.

Of course this JC life is not all about ups, in the downs, that when I am so desperate for Him and to be rescued only by His grace. The number of times I screwed up is countless but yet, somehow or another, I am forgiven. Forgiven not because I deserved it, but because He died on the cross.

“Taken by the wonder of Your name” Amen! It sums up my JC life so well. And I wish I will continue to be captivated by Him.

All I want is You.

can you get ahead in life?
Open the eyes of my heart – Randy Travis

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see You high and lifted up
Shinin' in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

What is the best thing about your friends?
Adonai – Avalon

A friend sent me this song. And I am so tired of typing (sleepy)so I should just insert lyrics instead and you guys can interpret. But adonai is like God’s name. God’s special name and I guess just as God is so close and special and He actually whispers to me from His heavenly dwellings with the same voice that calmed the seas, it’s just like my friends. They are all so busy with their stuff but yet they still spend time with me and really giving me valuable advices and walk through a lot a lot of things with me.

This song is exceptionally beautiful in the lyrics and I guess that’s just like my friends, beautiful beyond description. Go search around my blog, I remembered posting the lyrics before.

You're out beyond the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in Your arms

Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai

what is in store for you this weekend?
El- Shaddai – Instrumental

Something peaceful I guess =) I like this piece actually, it’s so soothing and it relaxes my soul..

what song describes you?
Maybe Tomorrow – Westlife.

Okay I didn’t know this song existed until today.

Maybe tomorrow you'll say that you're mine
You'll realize, I could change
I'm gonna show you I'm in it for life
I'll get you back someday
Maybe tomorrow

*shrugs* But the song is quite nice though.

to describe your grandparents...?
Empty Handed- Michelle Branch

And it's only me empty-handed
With a childish grin and a camera

I don’t have much impression of grandparents. Parents never lived with them, barely saw them. Both guys died. But I thought that two lines were quite sweet.

how is your life going?
Lucky – Hoobastank

First time hearing this song.

You make me feel lucky as I can be...

God makes me feel lucky coz I don’t have to depend on luck anymore. My friends are the luckiest things that had happened to me. I guess I’m a lucky girl.

what song will they play at your funeral?

We Shout – Tatu

I will forget my dreams
Nothing is what it seems
I will effect you
I will protect you
From all the crazy schemes

You traded in your wings
For everything freedom brings
You never left me
You never let me
See what this feeling means

Everything that you feel
Is everything that I feel
So when we dream
We shout...

You say it's all complex
Passion can pass for less
We never bothered
Telling each other
What we were bound to guess
Will anybody care
We could go anywhere
Going through danger
Talking to strangers
Will there be someone there

*shrugs* this song doesn’t really make sense to me. But it’s emo and I like the tune.

how does the world see you?
I will celebrate – Unknown

Sing to Lord. The world sees me as someone bright? And everytime I bring celebration? Lol. That’s wistful thinking. I really don’t know what the world sees me.. I will sing to You a new song.. Hallelujah!

will you have a happy life?
Inside out – YellowCard

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

Looks like I won’t get the guy I want. LOl and this song makes my life sound quite sad,

what do your friends really think of you?

How I long for you – Hillsongs

How I long
Father
How I long for you

do people secretly lust after you?
Jumping Praising – Planetshakers

Is that a yes or no?

how can you make yourself happy?.

How deep the Father’s love for us – Joy Williams

Another beautiful song. I guess I really should learn to enjoy His love once again. To remind myself that it’s not my efforts that would bring me to God but because of His death on the cross. How deep the Father’s love for us.. I really should soak myself in His love and let my heart be captured by His courtship for me.

His wounds has paid for my ransom. There is no reason why I cannot be free and joyful. I am redeemed and if I don’t live life as it is, I would not be doing justice to His death on the cross.

what should you do with your life?
All About You – United Live

Cause we're all about You
And the world You promised
And all we have will give you praise
Cause we're all about You
And the world can't stop us
Living Your Way
Always

Enough said.

will you ever have children?
Craving ( I only want what I don’t have) – Tatu

I only want what I can't have
I only need what I don't want

*shrugs*

Innocence
11:25 PM

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Stupid survey to pass time :P

cellphone survey.
okay. go grab your phone!

1. what's the colour of your phone?
BLACK =)

2. who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Marcus (The choir one =))

3. who's the last person you called?
A cab on Friday night. Okay that isn’t really a person..

4. who was your last missed call from?
Some unknown number which I suspect is my classmate.

5. who's the second person who comes up under D?
Daniel Chia

6. who's speed dial 2?
i don't use speed dial too =)

7. who's the third person who comes up under J?
Janice Huang, from Nanyang.

8. who was your last received call from?
Alvin from SMUN.

9. who's speed dial 4?
Jessie does not use speed dial.

10. what's the background image?
Night lights at Singapore River

11. how many text messages did you receive yesterday?
One or two. I was sleeping the whole of yesterday

12. who's speed dial 3?
I DON'T USE SPEED DIAL.

13. what's the fifth message in your inbox?
Siyi telling me that she is online but can’t initiate conversation

14. who's the first person who comes up under S?
Sabrina, OG mate

15. whom was your last text message from?
Janene. Thanking me for helping her sell the Passion Shirts.

--

As a sidenote. I have decided to stop thinking about him. If he likes another, let it be. Afterall, if we are not meant to be, we are not meant to be. I shan't be stupid to continue thinking about it. So it's case close.

Innocence
10:10 PM

Saturday, May 12, 2007

It just hurts me so much to see them. Something seems to have gone missing, the closeness that I thought I had with him just vanished. But then again, maybe there wasn’t a special relationship between us anyway, it was all one sided. But still, I can’t put a finger to that pain, the pain with claws that just scratches me and leaves me feeling so sour. I thought tears were going to flow for a moment.

They were sitting together and making fun of each other and laughing and hitting each other and poking each other and playing.

Then they stared at each other and laughed.

And I was there staring.

I was the only one staring.

Maybe it had always been me. Everything that I interpretive was just from a colored perception, everything that I was dreaming about, was all but an impossible illusion. But, God, why don’t you just let me live in my illusion, why I see this?

And why must it be her.

He looks so much happier with her, they seem to enjoy each other’s company. They can make plain jokes. But I can’t do that with him. I am just.. another friend.

And it’s her.

I can never forget what had happened, I love her as a friend, I care for her and I know instinctively that I owe her so much. This time, after all the things she has done for me, I will give her what she wants this time though it hurts me so deep so deep. His hers. Really. I will give them my blessings, I will let them be, I will just slip off from the back silently and nothing happens. And he would never know.

But really, it is still painful. Why do I fall in love once again? It is always the same story over and over again. Sometimes I wonder is it me, my character aren’t that feminine enough to attract the masculine side of men. Sometimes I just wonder if I thought too much in the beginning. Or maybe, whatever I thought was love with not even love. It could be just a closeness that characterizes good friends. Afterall, emotions are hard to pen written down in words or to even be deciphered. I probably deciphered my emotions wrongly.

Well, maybe I was just possessive then. It’s not about love or whatsoever, it’s about me not wanting a special relationship to feel secure with that person. So, ie, I was upset because my pride got eroded. It’s something like someone stealing your friend away. Ugly I know, but I guess it’s part of human nature.

Amidst all, I guess.. It still hurts.

Innocence
7:39 PM

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Complete – Parachute Band

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord.
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day,
And I will be complete in You

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

Close your eyes and think about this.

Who are you?

The true manifestations of a human in this world is being ourselves, without blemish. Face it, we are selfish and we do not want to admit it because the society claims that we must all be patriotic and sacrifice ourselves for a greater self, from serving the country or even sacrificing our whole lives maintaining a family life. But is this what God wanted us to live? If this is what God is meant for us to live, then why are we so sore about it? We don’t exactly say it all the time, but we know it. It is there. But no one ever bothers about it because everytime we voice about it, our friends will say, oh, everyone feels this way so it is normal.

Is it really normal?

Haven’t anyone questioned, if God created man, and we are going through all these hidden pain and He knows are going through the hidden pain, why aren’t He doing something about it? Or maybe some people might think, God created man so that we can suffer this intangible, painful thorns that poke us every now and then. This pain that people come up with various coping mechanisms to circumvent, this same pain that drives people into depression and drugs.

We seek to find release in these pain, thinking that maybe if I numb myself I can be like everyone else who are seemingly coping well or not even feeling the pain that I feel? You know something, we are missing the whole point altogether.

Let me put forth this theory of mine, the fact that we are feeling pain is God’s signal to us saying that something is wrong with our lives and the way we are living our lives.

I believe that within the depths of our hearts, there is a personality, a true you that is awaiting to be revealed, a beauty that is waiting to blossom.

Now, you ask, what is this innate personality? I cannot put a finger to exactly what it is, but it is complete. But I know when it comes out. When I begin asking myself these questions, what will I do if no one would condemn for what I have done, how will I react to things if I did not bother about other people’s opinions?

We do not feed on human opinion, we feed on God. We do not feed on condemnation, we feed on the Word of God. Why are we so worried about what people see us as? So, human opinion is more important and more significant than God’s opinion?

Learn, learn to embrace yourself for who you are, to believe that since we are created we are indeed perfect in His eyes. More than that, the satisfaction in living in the personality that God created for us is priceless. It is like fitting a piece of paper into a perfect sized envelope for it, it fits in so perfectly that not only the paper is not going to be folded or slided around (due to an oversized envelope), the recipient is also going to be happy because his papers are in perfect condition.

We don’t deserve to be squeezed and folded or slided around. We deserve the best. Not because we deserve it of course, because Christ died on the cross and made us clean as snow. It is hard to believe, but yes, because we are sinless in God’s eyes, we deserve as much as we should be given. We are not lowly slaves condemned to service for all our lives, we are heirs of Christ, we enjoy all His riches.

The beauty of knowing that you are created and loved is that you will learn how to love yourself. Learn, learn to ebrace yourself for who you are, to believe that since we are created we are indeed perfect in His eyes. Learn to love yourself and pamper yourself because if we can pamper others that we love, why can’t we be pampered too? Why are we created as humans. We are also given the ability to love ourselves because loving ourselves is a privilege and it brings joy that only God Himself can supersede. Only us (and God) knows ourselves the best.

Girls, you are the prettiest girl ever. Love yourself. Love yourself because you are part of God big creation. We always say that God’s creation is limited the mountains and skies and the seas and the rivers. But we forgot. We are His masterpiece too. In fact we are His finest masterpiece, we are created after Adam, the finale of the creations, the most beautiful of all, most beautiful of all, even more marvelous than the oceans and the skies. There is no need to fret about our clothes, we are the most beautiful one. There is also no need to worry about what others see us, we are the most beautiful already. There is no need to worry about not meeting people’s expectations, we are the perfection.

Innocence
10:51 PM

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Went for 4km run today. Exhilarating I must say.

There was something beautiful about the momentum
There was something striking about feeling the sweat slide from your hair to your face.
There was something refreshing about feeling the wind on your face.
There was something special about the shortness of breath.

And when I look up,

The sky darkened
The lights awoke
The people changed
I was still running.

I so haven't enjoyed a jog like this for such a long time. A jog that reminds me of what exactly is the world, a jog that gave me a breather through the shortness of physical breath. A jog that reminded me of who I was, and what life really is about, to remind myself what I really lived for, what God created me to do.

It wasn't the ending that counted, God reminded me that He doesn't really care about how fast I reach the end, He cares about the process and the fact that we reached the end. And when I stopped for my cool down round, I looked and I stopped. 400m is a long distance all of a sudden, but when I was running it, it felt like a breeze, one round after another and I looked back. The fellow joggers who were running.

It reminded me of life's journey.There are times we stopped, and when we stop, that's when we realize how far we really have went, although sometimes it may feel that our efforts are in vain and that whatever we are doing is just so little. Take a moment and stop and breathe and walk. You will realize the distance from the beginning you have been. To see the fellow joggers running the same path that I have ran, then I realized it was all worth it. The completion was such an achievement, so captivating that it took away all the fatigue garnered from the run.

And when I drank my ice cold carrot juice, juice never tasted so sweet before. Sweetness because of the fight that came before it. Just like how the prized possessions are ever more precious because of all the sweat and blood that was poured in achieving it.

Innocence
8:18 PM

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Thursday, May 03, 2007

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