Thursday, April 27, 2006
Expectations
This is my weakness. It’s something that I had always thought had been a third praty, passive thing. I always find myself looking at events and telling another person, it’s all about perception or how abput don’t set soe much expectations for yourself and others etc.But expectations revealed itself in another way in my life.
The root of all and all, of all the hatred, of all the unforgiveness all boils down to one word – expectations. And of course love. I stand in the belief that God is love and love is the crust for a believer of Christ for everything comes down to the word. Maybe one of these days I would write about God’s love. But for now, I am on expectations.
I find myself thinking, finding what was my problem with S. I admit I am too complicated for my own good sometimes, but the main point is, I find myself only feeling the after effects of some form of hurt that was manifested in cyncism to each other, some form of hatred, even some form of fear. We are so scared to be friends with each other. But why? Expectations. The word ‘FRIEND” in itself denotes more than what meets the eye. We have a citrea for a friend. But the question is whoever said that a friend cannot talk behind your back? Whoever said that a friend can’t look down on you? Who says friends must love you for who you are? It was a definition that was man made and now because you have treated this person as your friend, he or she had to conform to these “definitions” and uphold these “expectations” as a friend. And once they don’t do so, we get upset.
Too abstract? I will take myself as an example. Me and S are good friends since sec 3, in fact BEST friends, we were like literally sisters and following each other in and out everywhere. Her parents knew me and mine knew her. Now since we are good friends, I became upset because she didn’t share my joy when I got good grades, she didn’t want to do what I wanted to do, she wasn’t been really considerate to me but saying things that hurt me and blah blah blah and I just blew up one day.
To one it may seem normal (I mean that’s how many relationships ended right) but what made me stopped was the question. What is a best friend? I can list down traits after traits but are these traits just our selfish desires? They are just what we want, what we wish to see in someone that is in place to care for us. AS the days dragged on, we forget that the true essence of friendship and love was purely love, was just plainly caring for each other. So what if that person backstabbed you? So what if that person irritates you? Do we get friends to fulfill our heart’s desire, our expectations for someone or do we have friends so that WE can take care of them? And they don’t do it, we get upset. We keep it inside. Then it becomes hate.
I am now staring at my own words and pondering. I would pray for the Lord’s forgiveness for all the hatred, for all lack of love I have for her. I am sorry Lord for losing that pure care and love I had for her and Father, would you help me find this back. Let her be my friend ,be my sister-in-Christ so that I can love her. Let not what she do carve my feelings, but what I have been doing for her. Let me not be concerned about what she is doing it, whether it would me make me happier or would it build me or would it help me, but rather let me see things a new perspective. Let me be concerned about whether I am making her happier, whether I am building her up and whether I am helping her. And if there is anything that is inadequate, Lord please fill me with your glory that would cover all of that.
Oh father, I pray to forgive though I know I still can’t, but I know that Father you would guide me through all these and I know that because of your grace I will emerge unharmed by the devil. So I thank you in advance oh Father. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
What actually made me realize was not really from S herself but things that happened today. I found myself saying that “I wish my friends would show me some real love, care and concern instead of trying to raise me up in their grand plan etc” I admit it, I am upset. I still am by my two very very close buddies. Why am I upset? Because they weren’t showing the care that I wanted them to show me. I wanted to be hugged by them and say that everything was alright, I wanted them to just hold my hand and guide me along. But no, they showed me their love in a utterly different way and I couldn’t take it. I was upset because I couldn’t get my way.
Then it came to me (and I am guessing it’s from God), how much do I care about them? I care about them a lot too. Did they like it? Did it addify them? Did it help them? I wasn’t too sure. Then it really came to me, Friendship isn’t about me, it’s about him/her and both of us. I should instead going around and shine for them because they are my sisters and brothers in Christ. Not mourn her because they did not care about me, for the meaning of friendship is lost once I felt like that.
I find myself heavily digressed from the topic of friendship, but never mind, that doesn’t matter. I would say this is one my very un smooth piece, there were so much things that ran through my mind that I typed, so many different insights, emotions and events. And everything I have wrote is in a big mess.
What I really learnt is, drop all expectations. Give them all toy God. Don’t expect anything from others. For the more you expect, the more upset you will when you don’t get what you wanted and as the thing goes, everything just drifts away.
Friendship is about I loving the others not others love me.
This is my weakness. It’s something that I had always thought had been a third praty, passive thing. I always find myself looking at events and telling another person, it’s all about perception or how abput don’t set soe much expectations for yourself and others etc.But expectations revealed itself in another way in my life.
The root of all and all, of all the hatred, of all the unforgiveness all boils down to one word – expectations. And of course love. I stand in the belief that God is love and love is the crust for a believer of Christ for everything comes down to the word. Maybe one of these days I would write about God’s love. But for now, I am on expectations.
I find myself thinking, finding what was my problem with S. I admit I am too complicated for my own good sometimes, but the main point is, I find myself only feeling the after effects of some form of hurt that was manifested in cyncism to each other, some form of hatred, even some form of fear. We are so scared to be friends with each other. But why? Expectations. The word ‘FRIEND” in itself denotes more than what meets the eye. We have a citrea for a friend. But the question is whoever said that a friend cannot talk behind your back? Whoever said that a friend can’t look down on you? Who says friends must love you for who you are? It was a definition that was man made and now because you have treated this person as your friend, he or she had to conform to these “definitions” and uphold these “expectations” as a friend. And once they don’t do so, we get upset.
Too abstract? I will take myself as an example. Me and S are good friends since sec 3, in fact BEST friends, we were like literally sisters and following each other in and out everywhere. Her parents knew me and mine knew her. Now since we are good friends, I became upset because she didn’t share my joy when I got good grades, she didn’t want to do what I wanted to do, she wasn’t been really considerate to me but saying things that hurt me and blah blah blah and I just blew up one day.
To one it may seem normal (I mean that’s how many relationships ended right) but what made me stopped was the question. What is a best friend? I can list down traits after traits but are these traits just our selfish desires? They are just what we want, what we wish to see in someone that is in place to care for us. AS the days dragged on, we forget that the true essence of friendship and love was purely love, was just plainly caring for each other. So what if that person backstabbed you? So what if that person irritates you? Do we get friends to fulfill our heart’s desire, our expectations for someone or do we have friends so that WE can take care of them? And they don’t do it, we get upset. We keep it inside. Then it becomes hate.
I am now staring at my own words and pondering. I would pray for the Lord’s forgiveness for all the hatred, for all lack of love I have for her. I am sorry Lord for losing that pure care and love I had for her and Father, would you help me find this back. Let her be my friend ,be my sister-in-Christ so that I can love her. Let not what she do carve my feelings, but what I have been doing for her. Let me not be concerned about what she is doing it, whether it would me make me happier or would it build me or would it help me, but rather let me see things a new perspective. Let me be concerned about whether I am making her happier, whether I am building her up and whether I am helping her. And if there is anything that is inadequate, Lord please fill me with your glory that would cover all of that.
Oh father, I pray to forgive though I know I still can’t, but I know that Father you would guide me through all these and I know that because of your grace I will emerge unharmed by the devil. So I thank you in advance oh Father. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.
What actually made me realize was not really from S herself but things that happened today. I found myself saying that “I wish my friends would show me some real love, care and concern instead of trying to raise me up in their grand plan etc” I admit it, I am upset. I still am by my two very very close buddies. Why am I upset? Because they weren’t showing the care that I wanted them to show me. I wanted to be hugged by them and say that everything was alright, I wanted them to just hold my hand and guide me along. But no, they showed me their love in a utterly different way and I couldn’t take it. I was upset because I couldn’t get my way.
Then it came to me (and I am guessing it’s from God), how much do I care about them? I care about them a lot too. Did they like it? Did it addify them? Did it help them? I wasn’t too sure. Then it really came to me, Friendship isn’t about me, it’s about him/her and both of us. I should instead going around and shine for them because they are my sisters and brothers in Christ. Not mourn her because they did not care about me, for the meaning of friendship is lost once I felt like that.
I find myself heavily digressed from the topic of friendship, but never mind, that doesn’t matter. I would say this is one my very un smooth piece, there were so much things that ran through my mind that I typed, so many different insights, emotions and events. And everything I have wrote is in a big mess.
What I really learnt is, drop all expectations. Give them all toy God. Don’t expect anything from others. For the more you expect, the more upset you will when you don’t get what you wanted and as the thing goes, everything just drifts away.
Friendship is about I loving the others not others love me.
Innocence
9:43 PM
